Inkblots

Living it Up, During 'Down" Times

2011-11-01T01:13:00.000-07:00

2011 has been quite a financially trying year for me. What used to be a tolerable income a year ago now has become quite inadequate. More so that I happen to be the breadwinner in the household, and it's not easy keeping 6 mouths in food and clothes, especially when juggled together with the demands of graduate schooling. Trying to cut down expenses isn't new to me anymore but sometimes when emergencies strike like an illness in the family, too often I have to scramble about looking for something to buy medicines with, which is getting fairly often with my parents being diabetic. The economy hasn't been good, and so there's not much to do but to look for means of getting extra.

I've tried thesis editing (good money, but only seasonal) and other related stuff but still there are times when the ends you're trying to meet don't meet at all.

So don't be alarmed if you see ads in my blog. They're there for a reason. Feel free to click,since some of these may even help you earn.

Have a great week ahead!

I turned....30!

2011-09-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

"I remember the day I turned thirty. I was getting out f the shower and I stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself for a long time. I examined every inch of my body and appreciated the fact that I finally looked like a grown woman. I also assumed that this was how I was going to look for the rest of my life. The way I saw it, I was never going to age; I'd just look up one day and be old."

~ Terry MacMillan

Yesterday was my 30th birthday....weeeeeee!

As usual, the greetings went around through SMS, phone calls, facebook etc. etc. etc....

I ignored the "are you still single?" queries. Heck, I AM SINGLE AND I'M HAVING A BLAST!!!! But someone and I are working towards something that would start something that will last a lifetime. Don't ask who.

I don't mind growing old. I realized why there's the saying that youth is wasted on the young. Nothing beats the grace and confidence that comes along with maturity.

Ramadan Movies

2011-08-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

I saw this on facebook, a post by a friend. It was so hilarious that I just had to repost it here, because of the Ramadan season. For my fellow fasters,hope you have a good laugh at this!

Ramadan movies:
1. The Passion of the Mtawwa3
2. I Know What You Ate Last Ramadan
3. Charlie & The Ashta Factory
4. Save The Last Samboosa
5. The Curious Case of the Unfolded Samboosa
6. So7oor at Tiffany's ;)
7. The Got-Fatter
8. Indiana Jones and The Raiders of The Lost Fattoush
9. Transformers: The Dark Side of the Hilal
10. Iftar for Shmucks
11. Saved by the 2athaan
12. How to be a sheikh in 30 Days
13. No Drinks Attached1

Updates, What I'm Into, and God knows What Else

2011-07-31T06:12:00.000-07:00

I promised that I'll be posting, and so here I am. Some of my blogger friends and followers actually bugged me in the e-mail over what in the world happened to me. Well, here goes:

1. Last month, I finally got an ad-interim tenure. That means, I'm on probationary status and no longer contractual at work, and that's a step or two away from permanent status.

2. I also got appointed as a special assistant to the office of the university president, so I get to hang out at the admin building more often than not. I have a desk there too. But I still teach, only that, I have only three subjects this semester. So my working life now is more or less focused on meetings, paperwork, meetings, official university business,meetings, committee work, meetings...

3. I had actually started doing my Masters a few sems ago, but I slowed down this time because I had to adjust to my new surroundings.

4. It's going to be the university's 50th birthday on September 1 and we're preparing for the big party. Here's what we did a couple of Sundays ago. We had around 2,000 students in their Phys. Ed. uniforms forming the university's initials and we filmed them while they did that.

blogspot.com/-w_UhWjy-fZ8/TjVYIcG2vHI/AAAAAAAAAM8/hBSviplG8_Y/s1600/278508_

The Comeback!!!!

2011-07-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

Ok people, get those drum rolls coming!

I'M BAAACCCKKKK!!!!!

First of all I'm sorry if I haven't been around in a while. It's a long story, and will tell you about it. To give you a clue (except for those who know about it) it had something to do with being kicked upstairs :).

Second, so many things have been going on in my life that I could barely stop and smell the roses. Well surprisingly, I got some free time and I decided to post.

Will definitely do multiple posts tomorrow. Promise.

Whew!

2010-12-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

It's been a while...no,no this is not a blog closure notice, hahahaha!

I've just been too busy for a while. And now that they put the net inside my office/classroom combination, I guess I don't have much of an excuse to be not posting!

It will be the Christmas break soon, and although I don't celebrate Christmas, I will be using the break to come with some posts to make up for my absences here.

Bob Ong, Again!!!!

2010-10-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

You like the quotes I posted a year or so ago? Yes those from Bob Ong? Here's more! Translated though. If you want to see the first installment, click this: http://coralbead.blogspot.com/2009/04/in-mood-for-something-thought-provoking.html

1. "They say, that for every problem, only one person can help you--your own self. They're right. Maybe that's why God gave us each a conscience, because He knows that there are times when our brains won't work."

2. "What's a camera phone for? If owning one was a question of life and death I could've been dead by now!"

3. "In college you'll see so many influences, good or bad. Don't blame your thesis partner or your friend because you collapsed your lungs through smoking, your liver broke down through excessive drinking, or you had your own family at the wrong time. If you're really smart, then you can still choose to walk on the straight path,no matter how bad the people you are with."

4. "Sometimes you need to deliberately forget, so you will be remembered."

5. "Nothing good will happen in your life if you don't stop regretting and complaining about your fate."

6. "There are so many people here on Earth who are much more lonely than those who live on the Moon. And then, you don't actually need a lot of people to make up your world. Sometimes, your world can be made up of just one person, and that person will be all the world you'll ever need for the rest of your life."

7. "People are sad because they force themselves to be happy."

8. "It's easy to think about what money is for, but what I don't understand is why it's a measure of whether somebody's successful or not."

9. "Put two ears together, they form the shape of a heart. The ears are an extension of the heart, so if you know how to listen, you know how to love."

10."A woman is to be respected, and cared for! She's not a PSP that you can just fish out from your pocket when you want to play with it. She's not an iPod that you'll just listen to when you want to pass the time. And she's not a bottle of Red Horse (beer) that you can drown yourself in. A woman,whatever form she comes in, is not somebody you just collect or play with."

11."If people are fighting each other to see who can have you,maybe you are beautiful or handsome. Choose to go with the good person, not the nice one. Choose the one who knows about life, not the academically smart one. And choose the one who loves you, not the one who just wants you."

12. "Why do you keep on having feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way for you? Don't make yourself a fool for someone who does not see your worth. Learn to give up and leave, when you realize that you end up being hurt."

13. "The hardest part of leaving somebody who cannot find the heart to love you is the fact that the person won't go after you."

Update!

2010-09-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a long while...anyway I'm here again, and so here goes.

I've always loved theater and stage plays, and last August I had the chance to be the in-charge of the music for two theater productions.

Although it was very difficult for me to be the one puttering around with the sound system and waiting for particular parts of the play to slip the music in, it was still fun. I wouldn't mind doing the same thing again if needed. Oh and a fellow blogger of mine was one of the actresses, so she's written about it as well.

I'll be posting something more substantial later. Ciao!

Busy,busy,busy

2010-08-13T17:06:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the month again!

No, I don't mean Ramadan. I mean the Foundation Weeks in the University!

Wish I could post something substantial. I will do that, soon.

Pissed Off.

2010-07-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

Pissed Off!

Being a teacher (and a human being) of course has its share of frustrating moments. I've been pretty pissed off this week so I decided to take it to my blog. Here's my "Piss Off" List:

1. Students WHO DON'T USE THEIR BRAINS. Yeah I know, there are students who aren't mentally endowed or brilliant but goodness,it's worse when they don't have COMMON SENSE. Like this student yesterday who came to my class FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS after we began classes. He was redirected by the University Database because he had to take a subject under my department. What's made it more annoying was the fact that he didn't even bother to ask questions to the authorities earlier, and so a week before I'm ready to give exams, this nitwit shows up.

2. Young people who show off their lack of manners. . These days I'm wondering whether parents raise their kids right because a lot of these young people don't even observe the very basic tenets of courtesy anymore. They don't see anything wrong in crowding up in narrow hallways, in shouting in classroom corridors during class hours. In playing their music in office halls during office hours (duh!? what are headphones for, anyway?) etc. etc. etc. I often tell them (and they quiet down when I do) that their behavior often tells others how good or bad their parents raised them.

3. People who don't know how to fall in line, who overtake all the time when driving...yakety yak! A lot of people don't have patience anymore :(. And they don't realize that in life there will always be someone ahead of you and that overtaking while driving can cause accidents. And if there's a queue, for God's sake, line up!

4. Folks and acquaintances who ask too many private questions.. I'm not that close to most relatives and I believe that you have to be personally close to somebody before you ask him/her such not-so-public questions about love life and pay and whatever else.

5. Students who don't seem to have an idea that homework is part of student life. "Oh come on, don't tell me that being a student means all you do is sit in class and do tests and play with your PSP the rest of the day?" I have this idea: what if the government mandates that students have to really fight, REALLY FIGHT with their brains to get educated? Only those who know the worth of a good education would definitely remain.

END OF RANTING!

TIRED and EMPTY

2010-07-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

I am emotionally running on EMPTY. As in EMPTY. Have I lost my touch with everyone!

My work perhaps had something to do with it. Last week I almost passed out in class...

I'm not happy...and I don't know why. And maybe I do.

I'm sorry F___, we really had to call things off. There's no other way. This decision hurts me as much as it hurts you. But there's nothing else to be done. I wish you all the best.

HEEEELLLPPPP!

2010-06-21T05:26:00.000-07:00

I'm swamped!

Since last Saturday I've been awash with inquiries from students whose subjects were redirected to my computer lab....

I'm still trying to figure out where to transfer 15 legitimately enrolled students into another schedule because there's nowhere for them to sit or work in a classroom that's got 40 students already...

Office issues! You can't avoid them, but man, when they come, you'd wish you were momentarily unemployed!

I don't have enough time to sleep, I keep forgetting stuff, I wish I could pop away somewhere...

Missing In Action...

2010-06-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a long while since I've been here! So people, you all deserve an update (so you can also understand why I have been MIA for the past weeks).

* My place had national and local elections last month, and for the second time around I got to vote. But even with automated elections, there were still people who tried to sow a bit of BS (ask me if you don't know what this means)which shows how desperate they were to win.

* I went to another city for a week last month to attend a crash course on a new subject that I'll be teaching this semester. Six days is still too short a time to absorb everything, so maybe I'll be groping for a while during the first week of the term.

* I was given charge of the graduating class in my department during the enrollment. As usual, this involved scolding problem students, egging the timid ones, etc.etc.etc...

* I had been feeling unwell for a time...

That's about it. I hope I have enough time to post something substantial soon!

To K_______, on her 14th birthday

2010-04-25T04:02:00.000-07:00

K_____,

It's been quite a while since I held you as a baby and you peed on my skirt...Hahaha!

It's amazing how, in a matter of a decade or so, that a little pink chunk of a girl could grow into a blossoming young woman.

I've been so caught up with work that it took me a while to realize that today is your birthday. I know and you know I can't be there to celebrate with you, but to make up for it I'll be writing you your first honest-to-goodness letter from me.

The reason why I'm writing is that, first, I want to tell you that I am very happy that you have reached this far in years in the best of health. That, and count the fact that you've been blessed with parents who are very understanding and considerate of you. Second, I'll be offering you bits of (unsolicited) advice. You might not be asking for these now, but sooner or later, you might be using them. You never can tell.

It's not easy being a woman. It never is. I'm sure you've begun to lament the fact that your periods bother you with cramps and discomforts. I'm sure too that you've begun to argue with Mom or Dad why you can't do this or that, and that you've discovered that society and religion have placed limits on what you can do, basically because you are a female.

I'm not going to bug you with details but here are some things that might help you out as you grow from a teen to a young woman.

1. Reality bites. Being a girl can be frustrating because of the things society thinks you shouldn't do. But don't think men and boys have it all, either.

2. I know it can be hard, but ideally you should shelve the idea of getting into a relationship at your age. Concentrate on school. Get into a reputable university/college. In the future you will be glad you did.

3. If you want people to take you seriously and not treat you like a kid, act and think maturely. Think millions of times before making major decisions. Ask your parents, teachers, and other responsible adults for advice.

4. Wear make-up only if you have to. Sunblock is enough for a casual trip to the supermarket.

5. Be wary of boys but don't think that ALL of them are monsters.

6. Be kind to those people who are not as gifted as we (ahem,ahem) are.

7. Contrary to what most people say, singlehood can be happy, so don't be afraid to grow up and grow old single, if that's your destiny.

8. Remember that you cannot please everybody and that there will always be people who will criticize you. Learn to take things positively. There's nothing better than a sunny disposition and a healthy attitude to silence even the most cruel of critics.

9. Be hardworking. Learn new things. Give sunshine to others through acts of kindness big or small.

10.Give your parents some slack. They're having a hard time adjusting to the NEW you who will soon be a grown up. Be respectful to them, and if ever you will have disagreements, be calm. You will likely avoid fights because you kept them from losing their temper just by keeping yours.

Happy Birthday, kid.

A Last Combing

2010-03-31T04:09:00.000-07:00

She slowly opened her swollen eyes and tried to move her head, which was as drugged as the rest of her body. Oh why is it so suddenly hard to move?

What a relief! She was no longer in that mysterious cocoon in the hospital, where tubes and strange machines were part and parcel of life. She still had some of those tubes in her though, and yes, that all-important oxygen tank!

But where was everybody? She very slowly, very painfully tried to look around the small private room. All she saw was her granddaughter, and her two cousins asleep sitting on the few chairs. The oxygen tank was next to her, the source of the only air she could breathe.

I've tired down everyone. They went home to rest, I guess. But where was N__? and K__? Her favorite daughter and granddaughter. Why weren't they here?

Two tears on her cheeks.I'm tired. I want to go home. Why am I still here?

God, is this it?

She shook the granddaughter awake. She tried to speak but her mouth could no longer move. It pained her to move her lips even a little. She gestured that she wanted, of all things, a comb.

The young woman rummaged through her belongings for a while. There it was, a small violet plastic comb. Old. Worn. Bought so many years ago somewhere and she never thought of buying a new one. She loved the way it went through her hair.

Her hair. She used to be so proud of it, because it was still long, and black even after she had lost her teeth. Now because of her long stays in hospitals, her children had her hair cut, shoulder length. She didn't have the strength to comb a meter long length of hair now anyway.

She gestured that she wanted her hair combed. She knew it was the only way for her, to find out. She wanted to know, right away. Suddenly she felt so strong. She actually sat up, without help, for the first time in so many weeks. It frightened her granddaughter, who let out a gasp.

The young woman began to slide the comb down the thinned-down hair. It was still black, but streaks of white had begun to appear. No tangles.

But something was wrong.

I can't hear the comb going through my head! I can't feel it either! Is this it? Really it?

God, here I am alone and, look, this young woman's taking care of me. I wish I could've been kinder to her. Her sisters too. If only...

The granddaughter finally finished. She took the old woman's pillow and plopped it down again on the bed to make the old woman comfortable.

Oh, that was good. Very. But oh! I can't see a thing! I can't breathe! What's happening?

She was becoming limp as she laid her head on the pillow. She was gasping. Everyone in the room scrambled out to fetch the nurse.

It's my time. Really my time. God help me, You're taking me away and I will never have the chance now to apologize to everyone.

She didn't see a thing nor heard anything, but she felt herself slump on the pillow. It was the last thing she physically felt.

When they came back to the room her eyes were closed. She looked peaceful, except for her tearstained cheeks. A small drop was still there, on her chin.

The doctor took note of the time. 5:30 AM.

(Note: In our local culture, not hearing or feeling the comb while combing one's hair is a popular sign of impending death. Exactly a few days ago (March 29),my grandmother passed away last year. This story was pieced out from the accounts told to me by my younger sister (the granddaughter) who spent a night almost alone by her bedside and had to be among the very few who saw her die.)

WARNING: System Overload Ahead!

2010-03-19T03:44:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the school year here and I am absolutely BURNED OUT.

I've got students to advise regarding their theses, I still have one exam and a research paper defense to do next week, plus thesis proposal defenses.

I'm one of the judges at the annual University Torch Parade and I've got an invitation to the Senior's Night, all next week too.

Then I have to help out in the summer enrollment too.

All's right with the world? Hahahahaha!

Taxed...at Being Taxed

2010-02-22T02:26:00.000-08:00

In my country two months from now, we'll be asked to file income tax returns.

Ok, so it's a citizen's duty to pay his taxes and file returns...right?

RIGHT.

But what if the Bureau of Internal Revenue doesn't...

...deduct the right amount from your salary as witholding tax?

...give refunds when it's supposed to be given?

...inform the person that he's been overpaying his witholding tax?

...all of the above?

Frankly speaking, the government OWES me around 6,000 bucks. Refund? Don't even think about it! The local BIR often are worse thieves than your neighborhood pickpocket. And don't forget those guys and gals in the accounting department who are too lazy to calculate the right amount for deduction so you don't end up with a refund you won't be able to claim anyway!

And to get back at them, I plan to see and find out if they've deducted the wrong amount again this year. I've tried going to the BIR to see if I could get those 6,000 bucks, but no, they don't offer refunds. The nerve. Let them go to hell for keeping money that isn't theirs.

9 Reasons...For Being and Remaining SINGLE!

2010-02-20T21:57:00.000-08:00

I got this from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.

TOP 9 REASONS FOR BEING SINGLE:

1. Destiny Addict--Let my fate decide!

2. Perfectionist-- You want your prospective spouse to be a SAINT.

3. Busy, busy...-- at work or school.

4. Friendship-- Happy but secretly in love with a friend!

5. Happy-go-lucky-- Just a sip here and there!

6. Wrong Time-- My time will come, OK?

7. Rated PG-- Depends on Mom and Dad

8. Traumatic Experience--Once hurt, twice shy.

9. Ex to the nth power-- Pretending to move but Ex is very much in mind!

Wedding Guest Blues

2010-02-20T16:45:00.000-08:00

In my room is a stack of wedding invitations. Some frilly, some simple, others out of this world.

I must admit that I seldom ever attend weddings.

Why?

Because here where I am, it's more of the relatives' affair rather than that of the bride and groom...

Because the relatives (well, some, if not most) are there only to get a share of the bride's dower (which is Islamically forbidden, of course) and to get a nice dinner or lunch...

Because sometimes the bride and groom just don't like each other (READ: Parental Arrangement...)

Because the whole affair looks like a circus (with celebrities,politicians,etc.etc.etc.)...complete with 1,000+ guests, a very long reading of the families' genealogies (oh come on, who REALLY listens?)...

Because they're infested with mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts. uncles looking for somebody to match up with someone they know...and oftentimes they don't know how to mix and match...yeah right, so they tried to match me up with a 15-year old kid (my dad laughed and said "We don't run a day care center in the house! I didn't raise my daughter to change her husband's diapers! Forget it!")...

Because you have to compete with the other guests' clothes, bling, hairdos, and what have they...

Because you'll hear some relatives talking ill of the bride or groom ("hey, it's their day, did you really go all the way here to spit out venom? you should be ashamed!")

Because you'll meet some nut you're not interested in who asks for your number...

But then it all depends on the kind of family you have!

A year or so ago I attended a friend's wedding (yeah BabyPink, you know whose!)and it was the sort anyone would love to have. Everyone knew each other, the venue was unexpectedly cozy, everyone had enough to eat, and no long speeches to bear with. If weddings were commonly like that, I would have attended each of them!

Thin? Who, Me?

2010-02-06T15:35:00.000-08:00

Monday--Prof. Dory spots me at the stairway, takes a second look at me and says "Hey, you lost weight, didn't you?"

Tuesday-- Annie Mae at the office takes a glance and says "J____, you look....like you've shrunk!"

Wednesday-- B___ meets me on the walkway. "Lucky you, you look absolutely chic! How many sizes did you down to?"

I don't know, everybody says I've looked like I lost the pounds. I know I've gone two jeans sizes smaller, but to be remarked on as if I've earned the right to pose nude on FHM? PRICELESS!!

*****

In other news,

My crush at the Graduate School asked for my number! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

New Look...for now!

2010-02-02T04:58:00.000-08:00

I decided, after almost 3 years of blogging to change my pink layout. Thanks to aquapoppydesigns2.blogspot.com, I've found my perfect template- for now! At least it's still much in pink.

Maybe you could give this website a try.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

2010-02-01T03:52:00.000-08:00

This isn't my day.

I gave my boss the WRONG papers for a meeting.

Some very important files in my flash disk got LOST. Good that I still have copies of one of them, but the fact that some damned virus was the culprit still makes my blood boil. That's it.

I have to figure out how to attend two very important meetings that happen AT THE SAME TIME....tomorrow!

I am far from relaxed and I don't expect to have a FREE weekend this week. Sigh!

The only good thing right now is that my vitamins (I order them) will be arriving tomorrow.

Too Much ...

2010-01-28T03:44:00.000-08:00

I often subscribe or adhere to the saying "misfortunes don't come one by one."

This week just proved that.

My best friend in college got officially engaged, and it was broken the same week! Some obnoxious relative of her suddenly came up with something that made the guy's family retreat. I don't know if it was settled or what, but everyone felt sorry about the whole thing. What makes it more irritating is that the girl and the guy aren't kids anymore and they've waited for YEARS to get married, and the guy knows his responsibilities but some people out there just love to mess things up for their own benefit.

Then a relative of a friend suddenly died at a young age. Just one heart attack. He didn't make it alive to the hospital.

Then a few days ago, someone sent me SMS saying that a colleague at work had her dad at the hospital. It was a stroke and the doctors said there's almost no hope, they could honestly give him a 10% chance to live.

This is too much heartache for a week.

Announcement

2010-01-19T03:09:00.000-08:00

I've got something new here (well not that new).

Because I've been recently victimized by anonymous commenters who post advertisements and all that nonsense, I'm enabling comment moderation.

So don't be surprised if you have to answer some captcha thingies in order to send your comments.

When You've Had Too Much Soap

2010-01-10T02:45:00.001-08:00

I spent an afternoon at a friend's house (something I don't often do) and somehow we wound up watching TV soaps (again, a nonexistent activity with me, these days at least). We couldn't resist the temptation to throw mental tomatoes on some of them for having a stupid plot, actors who don't fit their parts or bad house decor. While we were switching from one mushy scene to another I thought of all the television soap operas I've ever watched in the past and I tried to think of things they all had in common and all the things people did to react to what they were watching.

Soap Operas' Common Characteristics

1. The plot revolves around a love story; it may be the main thing or just the sideshow.

2. The hero and the heroine are goodlooking, the bad guys and girls might either look horribly ugly or just have raised eyebrows or too much make-up.

3. The plot often has the mushy "Cinderella" story line: girl is poor, guy is rich, girl has villains around her,or the guy's family looks down on her, both fight for the relationship, the story goes through twists and turns, the bad people do something to hurt the girl, guy reacts/rebels, something happens that make the guy's parents change their mind and accept the girl, the couple get married and end up happy together.

3. We say that a soap opera plot is bad when events like accidents, rapes, death of characters etc. happen for no plausible reasons.

4. It's also bad when characters change attitudes as fast as they change underwear.

5. Some soap operas have such silly mushy names.

You know you're watching too much soap operas when...

1. You adjust your work schedules just to be able to watch every episode. ( My college classmates and I once found out a professor guilty of this!)

2. You cry when the protagonist is being slapped, beaten up, hung, shot by firing squads, burned alive...

3. You get sooooo angry at the villains that you forget it's just a soap opera and you plan you beat them up if given the chance.

4. You can discuss the plot, episode by episode.

5. You don't get sick of reruns.

6. You sue the TV station for allowing A to get married to B in yesterday's episode when you want A to marry C.

7. You go to a salon or barber shop and ask for an actor's hairstyle because you saw it on last week's episode.

8. You feel your day isn't complete when you miss an episode especially when you know that something BIG is going to happen.

9. Your remote control burned down because of switching from one soap to another.

10: FACT: Men also get glued to soap operas, only they won't admit it. But they can tell what happened to A, B, and C in case grandma asks because she missed an episode.

To Add or Not To Add?

2010-01-02T18:09:00.000-08:00

I opened my e-mail this morning to find a friend request on Facebook.

It was from somebody I didn't know, and yet his name pointed out that he's from my place.

Needless to say, I didn't add him.

Oh, yeah, I got Facebook, Friendster, and Twitter, but I don't have many friends there.
I am wary of who I add and who I invite. Most of the time, my friend lists contain blogger friends, people at work, high school/college friends, etc. In short, people I know a bit.

But total strangers? Usually no.

I'm cautious about adding people from my place because, well, hmmm. I know that normally people would trust and become friendly with those who come from their place but it's different here. No, I've got nothing to hide, it's just that when you add people from your place in your social networking account, it's almost like a suicide note. Sometimes.

These people often don't know the difference between legitimate bashing of one's own ethnic group and bashing that's not. They watch out for photos and Status messages. They'd tell you on chat that "you're a disgrace to the tribe because of blah blah blah" when I know that they complain about it too and the things I point out are the things that prevent us from growing as a people. Some of them even take pride that they do illegal stuff! Is that something to be proud of? They bash other people for their beliefs but hey, when they get out of my city, you'd see them imitating the ways of the people they criticize. No use arguing with these people because their brains are in a permanent time deposit box.

Once you have these kind of people there, you can kiss freedom of expression goodbye.

I don't care or give a damn, really. I just block or ignore friend requests from people I suspect are like that. One thing you'll notice about my friend lists is that I almost have NO relatives from my father's side in them.

To the one I ignored this morning, sorry, i don't know you. And even if I did add you, you might not handle some of the things I would say, and you might not understand. I'm doing the both of us a favor, really.

Retrospect 2009

2009-12-25T03:06:00.000-08:00

I know it's a couple of hours before 2010 hits the calendars, but since I have this habit of avoiding the holiday rush, I'm making this now.

2009 like any other year for me, has been a bittersweet mix of ups and downs.

Work
*I got a new job assignment. I can't tell yet if I'm doing ok or not, but 2010 spell everything.
*2009's been my 3rd year in the university. Do I smell a promotion in the air? Naaaahhhhhhhhh. I'll leave it to the higher ups.
*My former BFF's working with me now. Along with it, the breaking of the ice of a three-year rift between her and me.

School
*I'm taking up my MA! Yaaay!

Relationships/Family

*I lost both grandparents (father side) this year.
*No wedding on the cards for me, yet.
*My family finally decided to forego their share of my pay, which enabled me to do so many things I wanted to do for years.
*I got a cat!
*I LOST WEIGHT.

Material Stuff

*My laptop broke down.
*Bought a netbook.
*I think I spent more on this year.

I don't think I'd have any new resolutions for 2010 except:

1.I gotta save some MONEY. Seriously.
2.Reach out more to people.
3.Be a better blogger.

So, goodbye 2009, hello 2010! I won't be welcoming you with open arms, but yes, you may come in through the door.

Bits and Pieces and Beads...

2009-12-22T01:55:00.000-08:00

Time for a jumbled post!

Maybe I was too busy to take a look or it might be just plain procrastination or what, but the kitty I've been calling a "she" is actually a "he". Furball or FB has grown so much since he was adopted by my family months ago. Here's a snap from his younger kitty days:

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I don't know what got into me, but I suddenly bought tons of blue wallpaper and did in a few days what usually would take me weeks to do: wallpaper my room. And they say the cold months are "lazy" months.

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It's a few days before Christmas (which of course, I don't celebrate) but I am up to the knees in paper work. I'll have a long night tonight so I could finish it by morning. Even my boss feels the pressure from her higher ups.

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I don't have anything much to do with Christmas, but I got gifts just the same (the department and college where I work ritually exchange gifts on this season) and most of them were mugs. It's nice to receive stuff, let's admit it, especially when you love what you get.

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Still on gifts:

I've followed these rules when it comes to giving gifts, whatever the occasion:

1. Give something the person will really use.
- nice if you know the person's size when it comes to giving clothes. But that's risky. Coffee mugs, one of a kind pens, and other useful stuff are usually safe to give. Ornamental items are good only when you know the taste of the receiver.

2. Food.
- this is also ok, as long as you know that the recipient likes fruitcake or chocolate or sugar-free toffees. However, if you know that somebody's got some special dietary requirements, a fruit basket is safe.

3. Gadgets
- not everybody's a techie, so go slow on these things when you know that the receiver is a person who can barely operate a mobile phone!

4. Costly stuff
-gifts don't have to cost an arm and a leg. Even simple gifts go the distance, especially when well-thought of. Scout for items on sale, or go for generic-branded items.

5. For kids
-when it comes to kids, I try to be a good influence. I usually steer away from giving candy or video games as gifts . Often I give a good book, a building blocks set, jigsaw puzzles,an art set,anything to stimulate the mind.

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Since the cold weather began, I found it harder to do my laundry. I know it's expensive, but the laundromat has been a convenient way to get the clothes washed and dried. If I did it the normal way, I would have to wait ages for the clothes to dry.
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Strangely enough I had some ice cream in spite of the cold. In spite of the cold, the whole office and I went to the swimming pool to party. In spite of the cold, I still had the gumption to wallpaper my room, put new curtains, and get some pieces of storage furniture.

It's Official:The Cold Months Are Here!

2009-12-12T06:41:00.001-08:00

Today the first fog of December has arrived here,and so the cold months are here. This snapshot was taken by me when a pal and I sat on the university soccer field. The fogs are a major feature of the climate here up in the hills,and the first fog is always greeted by everyone by going outdoors and walking through the thick mist.

Letters to...

2009-11-28T05:15:00.000-08:00

Reading one of Murtadha's recent blog posts, I decided to get the idea and take it somewhere. So it's not just two open letters, but many!

To those responsible for the ghastly Maguindanao Massacre , stop pulling the wool over everybody's eyes! The world knows all about it! I won't name you here, but since this is a free country, I am free to condemn you all for what you have done! Words aren't enough to express my outrage. This is just too much! Our people don't deserve you for our leaders!

To my fellow countrymen, I hope the incident above will turn us all into responsible people this time. Your poverty is never an excuse to vote for someone who buys your votes but will push you aside anyway after they win. If these guys can shoot 57 people, crush them and their cars with a bulldozer, and then throw and bury them under a few meters of soil, they can do that to you too, unless all of us will fight for what is right and give our trust to somebody who will work with us to undo all the harm that has been done to our homeland.

To the people at government banks, don't behave like boors! I had a chance to do a transaction with a private bank, and wow, the people there were friendly! Everything was done in just under 20 minutes, not bad for cashing a check. With you I could expect bad manners and snail-speed service. You won't get to lose anything if you took time to smile a bit and make your clients feel thankful you're there to help them out!

To some women out there, if you want others to see what real Muslim women dress like, ditch the skinny jeans and tights/leggings. You're wearing your head coverings better than I do and yet your leg shape is perfectly visible with what you wear below. If you want to wear them,take off the headscarves. And if I'm not mistaken, you're number one when it comes to criticizing how women of other faiths dress, yet you imitate them too. Ok, so maybe you say that inner intentions are better than outward appearance, but hey, isn't Islam a way of life that covers everything down to the way we dress? What gives?

To some guys out there, ok, so you think we girls are sooo materialistic? Don't generalize, but you got to accept the truth that women want to end up with someone who can at least give them with the basic essentials. Too many of you are unemployed and looking for employed women to hook up to, thinking we'd take you in. I think it's our culture's fault that many boys out there don't know how important it is to aim high and work hard so that people will respect him, not because he's from some big rich family but because he's a self-made man.

To our elders. The world has changed. I don't think it's a sin to remain single if one has tried everything and anything, or if he/she is really barren and cannot sire/bear children. Maybe your idea that a wedding is a solution to everything worked during your time, but it certainly has bred so much more confusion nowadays. A marriage nowadays needs mature people, not a boy and a girl who only know how to romp in bed!

I have more to write, but I'll end here. Too much griping.

Undefined.

2009-11-08T23:41:00.000-08:00

When my grandfather died a week or so ago, the general reaction was that of shock--- shock that I even had him in my life, though the truth was that he was not in any way a blood relative.

Friends from school and work point out to me accusingly that I never told them he was ailing, and much less did I invite them to come and pay their respects. But how can you just work into a conversation that my adoptive grandfather was at the hospital ICU with scores of tubes and pipes stuck into him? "Hey what's up?" "Oh my grandpa's at the ICU, probably fading."

I find it often exhausting when I'm forced, even expected to parade family agonies for all to see. Pity is the last thing I want to evoke from people. We all walk through life wounded,your pain is no worse than that of another. Ok so I told people over the phone and Facebook that he was gone, but still that left them all shocked.

I'll admit I still haven't cried. It's not that I'm cold-blooded or anything like that. Maybe it's because the deceased and my brother and sisters and I never had much of a grandfather-grandchildren relationship with him. Maybe it's because of the fact that I know that when I was born he rejected me to the point of not acknowledging my existence for so many years.

I lived most of my childhood away from my grandparents, so I was spared much psychological trouble. He always preferred his adopted daughter and her children, whom he spoiled silly and who were to cause him much trouble. My sisters and I, although we did better at school and respected our elders, were just in the background, extensions of our dad who could not understand that no matter what he did or we did, the old man just wouldn't take the time to take a second look at us.

It was worse when we lived together as an extended family for some years. We clashed over a lot of things especially child discipline because my cousins (should I call them that?) were living with us and the old man spoiled them silly to the point that they were so dependent on him. To the point that they stopped respecting him. My parents didn't want that for their children, so things came to a point that my immediate family and my grandparents didn't eat together, although we lived under the same roof. It was better that way. The years just passed and soon they moved away. We visited them at times, although it was more out of duty than out of anything else. Then the old man suddenly was abandoned by his favorite grandchildren, and yes, we took him in.

I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, but then at least I'm honest with my feelings. Papa doesn't blame me or my sisters, because like my mother said over dinner one time "Well, the old gentleman never made an effort to get close to your children anyway." I really don't know what I'm feeling right now exactly, but for the most part I am ok.

Wait, I AM NOT OK. I lied. But I have still yet to cry over the whole thing. Maybe someday I will. Maybe I won't.

Another Loss...

2009-10-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

It's just happened.

Twenty minutes ago, my paternal grandfather passed away.

To all those who gave their sympathy and support, my endless thanks goes to all of you.

Do It Anyway!

2009-10-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

I found this poem somewhere in my files. I never wrote this and I don't even know who wrote this but I'll share it anyway :).

Do It Anyway

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

Have a great week ahead!

Sarcasm, from 'loved ones'

2009-10-16T05:40:00.000-07:00

It's the "ber" months again!

Eid was on a September...
All Saint's Day on November...
Christmas( for those who celebrate it ) on December...
Eid Al-Adha too perhaps...
Weddings (hehe Hning)

It's that time of the year where family gatherings are in full swing...
It's when families gather for seeing their relatives, eating festive food, and of course, getting a dose of sarcasm...from 'loved ones'

It's enough to have some people avoid reunions because of the following:

"What, 28 and STILL UNMARRIED? Look at your cousins! Didn't hit 25 when they got married.."
"So you've decided to give up THAT job and look for a better one, huh?"
"Aren't you planning to give your parents a grandchild anytime soon?"

Sarcasm at reunions. You can't avoid it. You're being given that because the relative either hates/envies/despises you or they just love to make others feel uncomfortable because they're insecure with themselves. It's something we have to deal with. So, first,before you face the crowd at any family fathering, hide all sharp objects. Second, take a deeeeep breath, and third:

1.Steer Clear! If she/he says " You look sooo FAT this year, go on a diet!!!" just reply with something like "well at least kids come near me to cuddle because I am so soft!" You'll end up witty that way. If the person is really intrinsically negative, just move away and look for friendlier company.

2.Use your humor. Ok, so your aunt says "she's so hyperactive, well that's because she's the eldest, always spoiled!" about a child or sibling of yours. How to reply? "Well maybe she'll be a physicist when she grows up and refute Einstein's theory of relativity while breaking all our vases!" could be a good retort. You'll make the person look baffled because she made a fool out of herself! Then again, she'll think twice before doing it again.

3.Lovingly confront. Ok, I know you'd rather gouge the eyes and heads off these people, and being loving to them may be difficult, but sometimes it's worth remembering that these folks may have problems with themselves or are insecure, so they may need much more understanding than usual. Just gently reply to them, things like these:

"I'm glad you are concerned with my single status, but I'm happy with my life right now, and I'd appreciate it very much if you don't bring up this subject again."

"I know my kid/brother/sister isn't as smart as your kid, but please remember your kid doesn't need to be compared to those not like him."

"I know you don't like my husband/wife because he's/she's not from our family. But I'm happy with her/him and our parents approve of us and that's what matters most."

"I have my way of figuring out what's my ideal working environment and I'm taking my time. I'd appreciate it if we don't talk about this anymore."

4. ESCAPE!!! If family gatherings are so stressful for you, just stay long enough to be polite. Drop by when the dessert is just being served or have valid excuses like "I'm going over to my in-laws" or "the office is having a party and I have to attend" or anything like that. Thirty minutes should be enough, then dispense with the hello's, the small talk, and good-bye!

5. Reflect. Sometimes criticism from relatives may mean that there's really something wrong. Is it that you're really in a mediocre job? Is it that you never gave any one a better chance to get to know you? Maybe some reflection may help to iron out some wrinkles, and then move on!

Ready for that family reunion?

Update?

2009-09-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

I'm rather busy these days so I won't be able to update much, just look at the stuff I have to do:

Tuesday, Sept. 29- I've to help out in administering the TOEIC (Test OF English in International Communications) to 31 selected students. It's something like the IELTS or the TOEFL.

Wednesday, September 30- I'm the facilitator in the University's ELPT (English Language Proficiency Test)Test of Spoken English and I've heard that there will be at least 20 takers. What will I do there? Have each test taker answer six randomly chosen questions, all in about 6 minutes. While the person talks, raters will rate his spoken English. I love what I do here, because it's interesting to know what people think on a range of topics presented by the questions. I even make some of the people I interview CRY!!! Maybe I'll make a separate post on this :).

Thursday, October 1- Meeting with the higher ups on work. Looks like those working in the computer lab (me included) will be evaluated differently from the rest of the faculty (the questions will be changed, for us). Teachers here get rated by the students every semester and thank goodness, I never went lower than VERY SATISFACTORY.

Friday, October 2- I don't know about this yet, but they're getting me to act as proctor during the SASE (System Admission and Scholarship Exam) and they're asking me to attend an orientation on this day. I've had proctored university admission exams before (boring work, but you get paid immediately :)) but I don't know about this one yet.

Saturday, October 3- You got it, I work six days a week! So it's either I proctor the exam or go to my class. Anyway, I still have a few days to decide on this...

Me @ 28

2009-09-19T03:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was of course, my birthday, my 28th.

I can't imagine that I could be that OLD.

My family gave me some new prayer clothes...white with borders of pink and violet, just in time for Eid, but because of the monthly "girl thing", I won't be able to wear them, much less pray.

My folks at the office gave me a big bottle of premium soya milk (they're health freaks)and I got some tons of SMS (Hning, thanks much!). I have two birthday gifts on the way still, so I can't wait till next week!

Life does have its rays of sunshine.

And oh, Happy Eid to all of us!

Birthday Blues....

2009-09-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

I don't usually make a big deal out of my birthday, which just gets noted on the calendar...

But with my 28th birthday 30 minutes away, I'd admit that I'm more than just less than chirpy.

Birthday blues?

Naaahhh. Maybe something deeper than that. Stress? I've always been that. Quarter life crisis? I haven't had yet to visit a shrink.

Now what?!?

I'm still clueless.

Relief at Last!!!

2009-09-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

I'm so thankful!!!!

Today is my third day of complete fasting after two weeks of stomach pain due to hyperacidity :)

I can eat almost anything now!

Except for most fruits...no oranges for me for a while.

So I had feasted on ice cold watermelon instead at futoor.

I guess the only good thing that's come out of all this is that I lost 5 pounds since I didn't have appetite for two weeks!!!!

Quick, where's the Maalox???

2009-09-07T03:19:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time fasting this year...

My hyperacidic stomach decided to go berserk on me at this time of the year >.<.

And so I was forced to break my fast earlier because I could feel the hydrochloric acid tearing at my stomach lining :(.

Temporary relief comes in the form of Maalox

And cucumbers....

I hope this doesn't last...God help me.

Blurbs...

2009-08-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

The "firsts" always have a special thing about them, like your first day at school, first day at work, first resignation, etc. etc. and etc. Now how about the first day of Ramadan? My pals sent me a lot of SMS asking how I was on the first day. My reply? "Oh nothing special, just that I wasn't interested in food (as I predicted) and that I had just made a unique bond with the bathroom after futoor/iftar.

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Weight loss in Ramadan? It's possible. I don't know why but as recent as last year's Ramadan I lost interest in food and consequently, lost a couple of pounds. Even when I'm faced with my favorites on the table I really just don't feel like indulging. I just eat to get through to another day of fasting. Of course I feel hungry, but then that does that mean that this time, I'm needing food of another kind?

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This is the first Ramadan without my grandmother (paternal side). The entire house misses her cooking. :(

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Since I work in a non-Muslim government institution, my work schedule will not change in Ramadan. I often get off from work at 5:30 PM. That could mean, possibly, that there would be days when I would have to break my fast while riding public transport.

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Food for thought: is Ramadan about FASTING or FEASTING?!?

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Have a meaningful week ahead!!! Ramadan Kareem!

More Old Folk Wisdom

2009-08-19T18:40:00.000-07:00

I finally found my students' files and here are the rest of my ethnic group's proverbs, translated in English.

1."Leaning crocodile, don't keep on leaning,because when the boatman arrives, you'll drown yourself."

- This was often said by women to men who don't propose early. The crocodile here is the reluctant suitor himself, and the boatman is perhaps the one who will get to marry the woman in question.

2. "A blue butterfly wishes to be adored, but who is going to adore her when she's always flying around?"

- Now this is another way of saying, "out of sight, out of mind."

3. "Scattered raindrops, when pooled together, make a great flood."

- There's strength in unity.

4. "Scattered clods of soil will make a mountain if gathered."

- Big things can come from small things.

5. "It is better to die than to have a second name."

- This saying suggests that saving one's reputation is of importance. In Asia, saving face is one trait that can often be seen, and shame is one thing that an individual cannot live through life with,which explains for actions like the Japanese hara-kiri. "Having a second name" refers to the judgments that society will pass on a person once he is reported or proven to have done disgraceful things to himself or to his family.

6. "What is soft is difficult to break; what is hard easily gets broken."

- A proverb that is about personality, this suggests that people who are adaptable (soft, therefore they can bend) survive or get along with others better than those who are not (and therefore brittle or easily broken).

Ok let's have a challenge here. Let's see if you can figure out the meaning of this one:

"No knife can never be blunt."

Oral Wisdom Rediscovered...Partly

2009-08-17T05:10:00.000-07:00

I used to teach a Folklore/Folk Literature class a few semesters ago. One of the assignments that I gave to my students is that they go into the field (in this case, rural areas and far flung villages) to interview old people and collect proverbs, sayings, poetry, legends, tales, and the like. We always had fun trying to find out who got what, and in the process we get to appreciate the beauty of literature that gets passed orally from generation to generation. I have some samples of poetry and sayings from my own ethnic group here, in English and their meanings.

Matchstick

Why I don’t strike?
Because the moment I strike
Even without the help of heat
It can still catch fire

Meaning:

I am lucky for not having suffered much the pain (for having lost a lover)
Because had I suffered much said pain
Just the same, it would have ended in vain

A Field

You’re weeded with memories,
Plowed with nostalgia

Meaning:

Love here is visualized as a field of soil,with memories "growing" on it and whenever one remembers it, nostalgia "tills" the field.

Sayings

“a single act of misdeed kills a thousand memories”

Meaning: If you do a single act that displeased everyone, they forget whatever good you did in the past. :(

"load a cockroach with what it can only carry."

Meaning: Don't give somebody burdens/work he cannot do.

I'll post some more when I find my students' files.

Now here's something for you :). Could you give me the meaning of the following saying? Diana and BabyPink, you can't participate, let's see how our fellow bloggers will interpret this one! Good Luck! The best interpretation wins!

I may be rotting wood but be careful, I am a stumbling chunk in the way”

What to do with my old Neo Q-Note?

2009-08-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

Now that I've got Deep Blue H1, what to do with my old laptop?

My old Neo Q-Note MS3 is quite a bundle...3 kgs at the most, which often proves to be a hassle to carry around for a commuter like me. Ok ok, I'll admit, it's served me well for over a year and my parents were the ones who bought me this one which explains why I'm still reluctant to throw it out, or even sell it!

I've been watching YouTube vids on what to do with old laptops but although I'm interested in taking out the CD drive and the hard disks, I'm still undecided.

Any suggestions?

Weekend blurbs...

2009-07-31T05:08:00.000-07:00

It's Friday night again....

I'm in the house where a fever and cough epidemic has just left its stamp. Everyone, including myself, are still coughing and wheezing away...I can't carry on a decent conversation because I just cough.

Next to my room is the sickroom that has my grandfather in it-----I never imagined that there's not much difference between a month-old baby and a 95 year old bedridden invalid with slurred speech and erratic sleeping hours. He's here, after his favorite grandchildren suddenly abandoned him...which proves that no matter how you spoil your kids or grandkids, it's no guarantee that they'll take you in when you're old.

My paycheck's here but like in most instances, most of it is gone now, thanks to the numerous bills that wait for me without fail (ok, I'm finally admitting it, I'm the breadwinner of my immediate family, after having taken over from my dad way back in 2003).

Bills, bills, my sister's tuition, and oh yes, add the adult diapers to the list.

Maybe I should add a pacifier...

Just A Thought.

2009-07-30T04:17:00.000-07:00

"If God gives you something you can do, then why in God's name wouldn't you do it?"--- Stephen King

Meet Deep Blue H1

2009-07-26T06:13:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I mentioned that my laptop finally started to fool around after a year and a few months of reliable use. After using it for two weeks for some Powerpoint presentations at work, the keyboard finally died on me even if it had a laptop fan right under it!

Since I needed to encode stuff for my work, I couldn't use the old laptop anymore (the University IT technician said I would have to plug in a keyboard to do that). Lugging a 3 kgs laptop is already suicide for a commuter like me so I had to think of better ideas. I was thinking of Sony Vaio (unrealistically, hehehe) until I found Deep Blue H1 from Blue Digital Systems. Nothing big, in fact, it's sold under many brand names and clones since it comes from only one manufacturer. 1 Gb of RAM (which makes it three times more powerful than my old one) and 40Gb of disk space. But anyway, this was something I badly needed. To sum it up, I BOUGHT IT! Now we'll see how long it will last...

A Culture Governed By Hypocrisy(?)

2009-07-12T06:46:00.000-07:00

I was talking with some friends over some snacks a week ago and we happened to talk about a statement posted by a facebook friend.

"Our culture is governed by HYPOCRISY". Take note, the poster is pure-blooded.

Hmmm. What about it?

For one thing, we couldn't help agreeing, sadly.

The rest of that afternoon was spent trying to mesh out what she meant. And we enumerate lots of things.

A lot of us would profess faith in Islam, and ostensibly follow the 5 pillars but outside that, their attitudes aren't that Islamic. I've seen middle aged and old ladies attending Islamic lectures given by "learned" men who abuse their being uneducated and therefore give them twisted views on Islam.

Religious men bash other faiths from the pulpits.

A lot of us would say it isn't in the money but look how people here go loyal to a person over a bundle of bills or ignore a person due to lack of wealth.

Many women would criticize the way other faiths dress revealingly but hey, you see them on the streets wearing headscarves (pinned!) but with skinny jeans or worse, leggings as bottoms!

Many young men don't see anything wrong with having girlfriends from other faiths, leaving them when the girls got pregnant by them.

Many parents here push underaged children to marriage to serve their selfish financial, political or personal interests. This results often to frustrated adults.

Many parents here also spoil their sons so much that these young men don't see he point in getting an education and a job. They end up getting married to employed girls (teachers like me are common prey) and still expect to be treated like kings when they stay unemployed.

A lot of infrastructure projects that could've been financed with local money (even something as simple as a 5 meter street!) are financed by USAID, GEM, and God knows who else. And oh by the way, that means many people here criticize the First World for taking advantage of us, and yet, we thrive on their money. We have learned to shame ourselves by begging for what we could do by ourselves!

There's many more, but it's just too much. A final and worst point I'd like to give as a parting shot is that, when these problems are exposed, many of us go on the defensive,ignoring the fact that by doing so, we perpetuate something that is destroying us as Muslims and as a nation.

Untitled...

2009-07-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

It all sounded like a soap opera from the TV.

A young male college student fell in love with a girl who was also his distant relative.

The girl returned his affections, and so they both decided to get married...

It could have been a perfect match...but

The girl's parents found a wrinkle...the boy wasn't of "pure" blood.

His mother was not of his father's ethnic group and therefore that made the children from that union, mixed.

And "mixed" males weren't thought of as good matches to pure blooded girls...

So the girl's family said "NO".

To make things worse, they forcibly engaged her to a "pure" blooded guy for exactly the same mahr that the first young man's family was offering...

The young man was understandably distraught.

So what if he was "mixed"? What was wrong with that? He did well in school and soon he had a prospect of a job waiting for him.

The girl's engagement to the other man became official; the young man increasingly became more withdrawn. He wouldn't talk to anyone.

"He'll get over it, " they all said. They would never know the extent of his anguish. Until much later.

Then one day, weeks before the wedding, he made a decision.

If she could not be his, then let no one else have her.

He decided to go visit an aunt, when he heard that the girl was there too. It was a chance he couldn't afford to miss.

So there she was. It wasn't a comfortable situation.

He looked at her with all the love and longing that he honestly had for her. Could he do it to her, could he? He knew it was all uncalled for, but he knew he didn't want anyone else to have her.

He had to act. Now.

The aunt went to the kitchen to attend to the cooking, and left the pair in the living room. She didn't suspect anything. She trusted them.

Then he suddenly grabbed the girl's arm and took her to the nearest room and locked himself and her inside.

He took a long look at her for the last time, as she pleaded him to stop what he was about to do.

It flashed in his hands. A gun wouldn't do in his circumstance. So he chose this. A grenade.

It all happened too quickly.

They found the couple too blown up to recognize them. The walls were splattered a gory red. They all gathered up what was left of the two. Two small body bags filled with bits and pieces of flesh and blood and bones.

The story would go round the university as an urban legend for years. If I would ever hear anyone mention "The Romeo and Juliet of the University," I know it would definitely be them.

It's creepy but I live with the knowledge that my cousins were the victims of a selfish society.

Beads...and yet more beads....

2009-07-05T02:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a person who swears by a good filling breakfast. Although there are times when I have to leave home without it, I still make it a point to start the day with something in my stomach somehow. A good breakfast to me is a way to jumpstart an otherwise blah morning, a ritual somehow sacred to me. In fact, one way of telling my family that I'm angry is avoiding breakfast at home that day, since I wouldn't want to spoil my day by eating with people who had dared to stand on my neck. A good hearty breakfast is also my antidote after a sleepless night or when the world seems to spin too fast for me.

My favorite breakfast? Anything heavy and hearty, and of course, don't forget my glass of milk and fried eggs!

***************

So MJ's finally dead...I'm not exactly a big fan of his but I like many of his early hits (when his skin was black hehe) like "I'll Be There", "Ben", "She's Out Of My Life", "One Day In Your Life". Although I repeat, I'm not a big fan of his, MJ's passing somehow made whole generations of people feel that they're getting older. He's been around when my mom and dad were still about to get married and I grew up knowing him as a household name. RIP MJ.

******************

On another note, my laptop keyboard finally gave up by not registering M,N,shift, and ,. Either I get an external keyboard (and end up lugging it around too) or buy a new laptop. The second option, of course, is more tempting!

******************

Beads....and More Beads....

2009-06-30T04:39:00.000-07:00

I was sooo amazed at the amount of homework my youngest sister brought home one day. Third grade, and 11 subjects! In my time I had only seven subjects and I had fun at school. Nowadays school seems to be a place where you dump kids to be forcefully injected with tons of stuff they can't absorb anyway and they come home burned out. They get choked at school and so it's no wonder they seek comfort in computer games, hanging out more than they should, and all other forms of escape. By the time they get to high school they're too tired to learn. Shouldn't they put the fun back into school?
*************************

I love spending rainy days in total silence, with a cup of something warm and a cozy window seat. Just me and cocoa and the rain washing the earth's face.
*************************

From my work buddy: "Don't look at what others do. Just do what you're supposed to do and that will speak for you."
*************************

Stuff I just realized lately:

My parents are human beings, with shortcomings and issues left from own childhood.

I need not take responsibility for whatever it is that they may have done.

My life is MY responsibility. I am financially independent, I can make major decisions on my own.
*************************

Later...

2009-06-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you're familiar with the band Fra Lippo Lippi but they were around during the late 80's up to the early years of this century. They were a Norwegian band that whittled up to a one-man entity today. I'd like to share a favorite track from the band from way back in the year 2000. Just click on the link. Lyrics are at the bottom if you want to sing along. This song really gets you...well, I'll leave it up to you!

The link: http://www.imeem.com/trance24/music/f6-ooe-r/fra-lippo-lippi-later/

_=LATER=_

How could you come with me
when you knew all along that you had to go
How could you watch me sleep so close to you
pretending not to know
How could you memorize my name
and forget who i am
How could you think you're still the same
believing i can

It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset, later than the rain
Later than I never to love you again

How could you ask for more with an innocent smile
trusting me to stay
How could you close the door and leave me here
supposing i'm ok
How could you breakdown my disguise
and uncover my fears
How could you look into my eyes
ignoring my tears

More Beads...

2009-06-05T16:47:00.000-07:00

* It's official, my best friend and I got back together again---after three years! In fact, there's the possibility of her becoming my colleague at work. It's funny, but it did take us three years to do that.

* I got sooo tired this week since it was enrollment time at the university. Imagine keeping track of 12,700 students using a single computer?

* My hyperacidic stomach did its act again. It's like that when I'm very stressed. Maalox has become my closest buddy. I just pop it into my mouth, and instant momentary relief!

* Remember Eva Fonda? One of the professors took her home with him, and so she's not to be seen anymore. I'm sad :(.

* I got a new kitten, FB or Fur Ball. I have to teach her to stop nibbling at people's toes :P

Thoughts for Another School Year

2009-06-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the start of classes in my place, and so it was with no wonder that the streets are into "rush hour" mode by 7 am when I was commuting to work. You could just imagine the school bags, the kids, the parents, the cars, the whinings, the classrooms...

********************
I used to be a high school teacher, and I've seen so many things that made me glad that I have the background that I have, since many of these kids, in spite of the fact that they've been spoiled by gadgets and stuff by their parents, come to school without the skills needed to survive.

When we were their age(this is for us born in the 80's or earlier), we had no cellphones, iPods, mp3's, discmans; we didn't even care to know what was the Internet then. Life was that simple.

As little kids, we didn't care about hi-tech toys; we jumped rope, played sports, the simple things. We even knew how to make folded figures from pieces of paper (origami) and used that as toys. We soaked ourselves jumping outside when it rained For those who had strict parents like mine, happiness was a rare tall glass of coke or other softdrink or some candy.

TV was Sesame Street, Electric Company, Daria (in MTV, remember?)Bugs Bunny, Tom and Jerry,and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Nobody cared if Ernie and Bert were indeed a gay couple.

We knew the difference between Ursa Major and Ursa Minor and we knew how to make up our own stories and draw pictures on paper using pencils and crayons.

And the kids today?

They've got the Internet, so what's the use of going to the library, they tell you. Pencils and crayons? Adobe will take care of that. Games? They'll tell you that it's boring to play hopscotch on the sidewalk, and you get swine flu from cavorting in the rain. For TV they watch Gossip Girl, and God knows what else. Personally I think Dora the Explorer is pretty lame. Their parents shower gadgets and stuff as though they were giving tributes to kings and queens.

What does all these amount to?

Kids who don't know how to think because they've been conditioned not to use their brains. Kids who don't know how to respect their elders. Kids who get burned out by the time they hit high school since their families sent them to schools that cram kindergarten kids with an "advanced" curriculum. Kids who don't care what's going on around them unless the matter concerns their pocket money,their pimples, their cellphone bills, and new tracks on their mp4's.

************

According to one of my favorite authors, Bob Ong, there's too much hype on bringing up "gifted" children. Milk formulas, schools, and experts seem to be so engrossed in making even ordinary kids become like Einstein. Schools boast of "science/math/language skills" programs that are meant to make kids able to manufacture nuclear bombs by the time they finish high school. Parents talk about how to make junior the next Nobel Prize winner or the next Einstein.

For God's sake, let these kids grow up at their own pace! The world needs the "giving" child, not the forcibly "gifted" one who has become apathetic to the ills of the world.

Stuff A Lot of People Don't Know

2009-05-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

* Guys do dig SOAP OPERAS. Many of them won't admit it, but many men in my place would hurry home after school or work so they won't miss hours of melodrama on the TV. They're not comfy talking about the episodes with girls, but then they'd willingly tell Grandma what happened after X slapped Y or how A broke up with B after discovering they're long-lost siblings...

* The word "JUMBO" came from P.T. Barnum's star elephant, Jumbo way back in the 1900's.

* Dead bodies about to be transported by plane get into the plane's baggage compartments 2 hours before the passengers board so that they won't be aware that there's a body in the plane. The bodies also have to be packed in crates.

Back, Somehow...

2009-05-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

My net hasn't been all right in the past few weeks, but I bought a USB Modem and here I am typing away at my sister's PC.

My folks at home had finally set up the house's net connection, but there are still some kinks to smoothen out, so I can't be online as often as I wish. I am in fact, thankful for even an hour of net access.

I'll be back. You'll see.

Not Another Update!!!

2009-05-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

It's obvious that from my lack of blog activity here that I've been busy. Well, it's mostly about work, work, and work, but since I've been doing the disappearing act I have to explain what I've been up to.

* I got a new job. Not exactly a really new one, and I'd still be working at the university. I'll still be teaching, but the difference is that I'll be using a computer lab to teach English. The university sent 13 of us to a training program and I didn't expect to be one of the chosen four to teach CALL (Computer Assisted Language Learning). I'll start my first day next month, and I'm soooo excited!

* Tomorrow will be my last day at the College Bound Program. I just hope the brats will do their share and pass the finals since it's their last chance to get into the university in June.

* British Lit is going on fine. We already wended our way through Chaucer and Shakespeare and Milton and Swift and Austen....I always like it when I teach literature.

* I'm planning to switch ISP's next month since my net has been so bad lately.

In the mood for something thought-provoking?

2009-04-23T06:55:00.000-07:00

Bob Ong is a famous modern writer in my country and his readers (mostly college students) snap up lines from his books like ducks take to water. Here are some (translated though) I'd like to share:

"It's not the fear or sadness that's hard when being alone. What's hard is accepting that, out of the billions of people around the world today, not one had the courage to step forward and fight for a chance to be with you."

"It's not difficult to forget a loved one who has left you, it's the person you became because of him/her that's hard to forget.

"I'm a bad person in just the same way that you can be bad, and the same goes for being good, too."

"I learned that there are so many free lectures in the world. You make the syllabus, and it's up to you on who will be the ones to teach you. There are so many teachers outside the schools. We're all enrolled in one great university, and there are so many difficult subjects. But because it's free, you'll be the loser when you drop out. We graduate, one by one, and the ways to do it are countless. The only diploma we'll ever get is the bunch of memories of all the help or love that we've given to a world that we, at one time or the other, had hoped to change."

"No matter how many "signs" that come your way, if the person doesn't love you, he/she doesn't love you."

"If people who don't keep promises get struck by lightning, there would be a fireworks display everyday."

"In all walks of life, remember: no matter how hard we prepare for the painful truth, it will always be more painful than we expected."

"If somebody you love doesn't love you back, don't be angry. There are lots of people there who love you to pieces but because of some reasons, you can't love them back. So it's just fair."

"The world will not cry for just one person."

"It's my obligation to go on a journey. I have a right to be where I want to be. My life is my responsibility."

"If you're not happy with a person, then leave! There's no cure for stupidity other than initiative."

"I learned that you need the strength to admit that you are weak after all."

"I don't want to depend on things that can easily disappear from my life."

"Not all things that are easy to understand are truths. Not all things that can't be understood are lies."

"If you can't love somebody who's fallen for you, don't give him/her reasons to love you."

"Don't let go of someone you can't bear to see somebody else having."

"There are times when you schedule something in your life, you still end up waiting because it turns out that you're not the priority."

"Do you know how far the distance could be between two people who have turned their backs on each other? You have to go as far as all the way around the globe just to face that person again."

"Use your heart to take care of those you love. Use your mind to take care of yourself." (My dad coincidentally gives this as love advice, hahaha.)

"Dream and achieve. Don't blame your parents, your exes, or flying cockroaches. If your parents didn't bring you up well, don't use it as an excuse to rebel. You'll end up being a victim."

"I learned that as we grow up, we stumble and fall so many times. And no matter how many times we do that, the world just keeps on going."

"In life's boat, you can choose your seat but not the one who sits next to you"

"It's just like an elevator. Why squeeze yourself into it when you know there's no space for you? There's still the stairs, maybe you just don't want to notice it."

"When you love someone who doesn't want you, relax. The time will come when you feel you don't want that person either."

"Don't hold on to someone when you know you'll drop him or her anyway."

"It's hard playing a part in person's life. Especially when you're not in the script."

"It's better to fail in doing something than to succeed in doing nothing."

"Let go of the thing or person that might destroy or hurt you even if that thing or person makes you happy. Don't wait for the time when the happiness leaves you and you got only the hurt."

"Achieve your dreams.That's your obligation to yourself. If you want to eat buckets of soil to land your country in the Guinness Book of Records, that's ok. Don't listen to those who may want to thwart you. If scientists didn't try, people wouldn't be living in planet Jupiter. But people aren't really living in Jupiter yet because scientists never tried! See the lesson?"

"I don't believe that people dream in order to become rich, famous or influential. Those are just the side effects. People dream because God gave them the ability to have dreams and the ability to achieve them. It's the people's responsibility to improve themselves and use their improved selves to help the world. And perhaps the worst sin that people could do is to turn their backs on this responsibility."

"If you have that love for life, don't you dare lose it. Don't be like those people in the government positions who come to work each day just to sleep at their desks."

"People will admit their mistakes. But if you keep pointing these out to them you'll be giving them a reason to leave you alone."

"The right thing at the right time doesn't make sense anymore when the right people aren't there. People can adjust to things but the time and place won't."

Update!

2009-04-13T04:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry folks. I was in a stump for some weeks now, and an update is in order.

1. It's strange when only one person is the reason why a family clan stays together. That was my grandma. Everybody drifted after she passed away. Oh well.

2. My family's planning to make a change of residence. This house was where grandma lived until some months ago,and it reminded us too much of her. Gotta move on.

3. I'm beginning my summer classes now. I'm helping some 65 out of the 1,250 "at risk" mostly Muslim youths get into the University by next semester through a summer crash course called College Bound Program. Then I'm also teaching British Literature too in the afternoon, to keep my sanity. I'm more into literature,actually, but practicality dictates that I teach grammar and writing too.

4. I got an event hosting duty this Wednesday,and I got a night and a day to prepare..:(.

5. I was left hanging...maybe I should call myself single again or what?

6. I made a new friend recently. Thanks Majix!

Thank you for the sympathy...

2009-03-28T20:11:00.001-07:00

To those in the blogosphere and beyond who gave their support during my grandmother's illness,thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. My grandmother finally went back to God this morning after a long illness.

This Is Too Much...

2009-03-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

I'm so freaking overwhelmed...

A silent war with the significant other...

Tons and piles of work to do...

A grandmother at the hospital's ICU...

This is just too much...

Cry Mode T-T

2009-03-12T03:43:00.001-07:00

It's funny how a small misunderstanding balloons up into something big...

It's flabbergasting when someone whom you expect to understand just f***s up and starts to get pissed off and gives you the silent treatment...

It's maddening when something sweet goes sour at the edges at times, and you are left clueless...

I'm stumped, confused, angered, and SAD...

When do you know that you got to quit a job?

2009-03-07T06:23:00.000-08:00

Just how do you know when to quit a job? No, I'm not talking about leaving mine. But of course I'm sure everyone's had that experience before when they decided to throw in the resignation letter at the boss. After four jobs I've come up with a few signs (reliable for me) that could signal that one has to get the hell out of his job and look for another.

1.You don't want to wake up in the morning. Yeah, because you have this fear of your boss pouncing on you every minute. You simply dread going to work and you already have developed a phobia towards your office cubicle or table, or worse, the boss's office.

2.You do stuff that's not on your work specifications. Ok, so you sometimes get tapped to do something because you are talented. But if the folks at work have you do that something for the umpteenth time and it's not really your work, stop. If anything goes wrong with it, authorities will question you since it's not in your work specs that you do that something.

3.You are bullied at work, gossiped about, etc. etc. even if you try your best to be polite and civil. Did they try to embarrass you again in front of the big shots? Then it's time to go. You have a right to have a safe, non-threatening work place where your rights are respected.

4.You seem to be the only "smart" one around. I've been through this. If the people around you are smug and are satisfied with mediocre work, beware. If you want more challenges and aim for excellence, get that resume going. It will also hurt your chances of professional growth if you stay where you are when your potentials could be realized somewhere else.

5.You get paid late or get deprived of benefits that you are entitled to. It's not fair to get this month's paycheck two months later, right? It's not fair that your employer doesn't remit your social security premiums, right? This is an indication that the company is in dire straits and could close down, so get away before you get laid off. The situation can also be an indicator of graft and corruption.

6.You don't like what you're doing. Love your work, the wise always say. Even if you get paid big bucks and get so many benefits, these would be nothing if you're not happy.

7.You hate to talk about your work or are uneasy telling where you work. If this hits you, then leave, leave, leave!

8.You simply want to throw up when you mention or think about your work. Enough said. You know what to do.

Oh and when you do leave, make sure your next job is a step equivalent to or even higher than the one you just left. You have every right not to be where you don't want to be. My next post will talk about the signs that tell you to stay where you are. I'd like to get your ideas about this.

ALERT! ALERT! SYSTEM OVERLOAD!!!

2009-03-06T06:07:00.000-08:00

I feel it coming...

why?

Today, I scolded countless students who don't know how to follow simple instructions...

I checked tons of research papers....

Had my blood pressured checked--- 130/90...

I scheduled some validating exams for transferees...

I blew off my top when some students said they'd like to change their research topics...when the deadline was yesterday.

I felt sick when I looked at my class record...

God, help this tired soul....

Eva Strikes Again!!!!

2009-03-01T06:46:00.000-08:00

"Ok Eva, what's with you looking at me that way?

"Do you have to ask? Where's my other can of tuna you promised?"

"Ohhhh Eva, you eat five meals a day at the faculty lounge kitchen and then you have the nerve to ask for tuna?"

"Well they say you're my owner ehem, no correction, I own you!"

"Hey, what's with the ownership bit? I don't take you home! And by the way, you really snubbed that bed I made you for your kittens! I had some old towels placed in there!"

"Aww Coralbead, you know I don't settle for anything less than anything made from Egyptian cotton!"

"The hell you do " (opens a take-out box and starts munching on chicken nuggets)

"Hey, that smells good! Can I have some?"

"With what you've said to me today, you spoiled cat?"

"Awww you don't mean it, do you? Aren't you gonna share?"

"Nope"

"You don't mean it, do you? Pweeeaaaasee Pweeettty Pweeeaaaseee???? Just a bit er the whole box? Pweeeeaaaasssseeeee??????

What's Wrong With Being A Housewife?

2009-02-28T01:39:00.000-08:00

An old friend of mine recently weighed the pros and cons of everything and finally decided to quit her job to become a HOUSEWIFE.
"I've turned the whole thing upside down. I believe I should be at home looking after the flat and the two kids. He earns more than enough for all of us. The children are growing up and they need me. It's a firm decision."
Well said. But the whole thing had most of her female friends setting up mewls of disapproval.
" She can't quit working, that's ridiculous!"
" She's got a Ph.D. Why waste it on taking care of a house?"
" She could hire more househelp, she doesn't need to do all those chores in the house."
" She's being STUPID!!!"

Ok, so they don't like her decision. However, the whole thing got me thinking: WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A HOUSEWIFE? And to some extent, WHY IS HOMEMAKING BEING UNDERESTIMATED?

To answer the question, here's some arguments that many people, mostly women would come up with:

1.It's a waste of one woman's education. Lots of women now come with a complete set of MA's and Ph.D's. They mostly do it so that they could bag the career of their dreams,get some respect from the family circle, or to have more value in the marriage market. To become a stay-at-home wife, they think, would be a slap on their diplomas. But hey, if you only wanted a career and a hot shot paycheck, why marry in the first place? It's stupid to get married and expect not to have responsibilities like house chores and children. If a woman wants both, then she should expect to juggle responsibilities and not chafe at them.

2.Being a housewife would make them, ahem, ugly. . Aww come on, even working women and working mothers complain of thickening waistlines, wrinkles, and cellulite! It's up to the housewife whether she'll make herself look like a hag or primp herself to be the hottest babe that man has ever come home to.

3.It's demeaning to do housework. Oh please, let's remember our mothers and grandmothers. Years ago they had it harder than we did, and did they complain that the washing machine wasn't invented yet? Is it demeaning to cook a wonderful meal to express your love to your family? Is it demeaning to know how to wash and iron clothes? Is it demeaning to to take pride in how beautiful a house has become because of your efforts? Is it demeaning to know that your husband and kids love coming home to you because they love the way you look after them? Housekeeping need not be a drag. Look at all the household tips in the newspapers, magazines and yes, the home economics class. Housework isn't a drag if you know how to do it smartly.

4.It can make you dumb. Again, would you call your mother dumb because she stayed at home taking care of you? Media and some forms of feminism have perpetuated the stereotype of the housewife as a dumb drone. It really doesn't have to be that way. Housewives can keep things in order and yet could still discuss Existentialism and the Big Bang Theory (if they know them) with you.

5.It shows a woman's helplessness. Ok so if you're a housewife, you're totally dependent on your hubby financially, right? Well mostly yes, but I know of some housewives who got into some small business and earn some cash. Money may make the world go round, but many women take for granted that a man in his right mind can be emotionally dependent on his wife, and the same goes for the kids. If a woman knows that she can bring the sunshine back again to her family, that's not being helpless. Even if hubby is the one who brings home the paycheck, in some families, it's the wife who can determine whether the family can buy a new car or go on a pricey vacation, if she's the one doing the accounts, that is. All this, on the condition that a man makes enough to meet his family's needs. Reality bites and I know that most wives work now just because hubby alone can't make ends meet.

Now here's some arguments in defense of my friend and of all the married women in the world who choose to stay home:

1. Being a housewife means they can run the house If you own or rent the flat or house, then it's only right that you take control of that space you call home. Leaving a house to be run by housemaids disastrously isn't something many of us would want. At least my friend will know where the jar of pickles went or where the pair of socks was hung because she was the one who handled them in the first place.

2. They'll be able to see the kids grow up and they'll be there for them when they need it. I've been a high school teacher once and kids run to me or get sent to me because of behavior or academic problems. I asked whether their mother is at home and many said "no, she's too busy working." Further questioning revealed that their mother was educated and all that, and yet they couldn't remember when they tasted her cooking or when they were last hugged. If they wanted to talk to her they couldn't because she was too tired with work or her work took her places far away.
Don't get me wrong. I know many mothers out there need to work, but that doesn't mean that they should make that an excuse not to meet their children's emotional needs. My former students had oodles of pocket money, the latest gadgets, and expensive clothes, but I know deep down inside they'd gladly exchange these for even a few hours of quality time with Mother or just to experience eating a meal cooked by her. I've talked with some mothers too, and not one ever went out of my office without crying that they would love to stay at home for their kids if they were given the chance.

3.Being at home makes them feel needed and important. I repeat, staying at home need not be a drag. A woman at home is never useless unless she decides to be. A husband in his right mind wouldn't ever consider leaving his wife for another woman when he's taken care of in his own home. Kids wouldn't turn to drugs or crime if their mother was at home waiting for them when they come home from school. A woman, even if she's got piles of Ph.D's and a high paying job, will feel useless if nobody will depend on her for things money cannot buy. Motherhood isn't just about spewing babies out. Many kids wouldn't care if you went to Harvard or if you get paid oodles of cash in a month. Being a mother involves much greater responsibility than any job would ever have. If one screws up at work, she'll either get fired or reprimanded. But screw up at being a mother, and you get results that are much more devastating than getting fired. God wouldn't recognize your Ph.D. when judgment time comes. He'll only concern Himself whether you have done your duty well towards your loved ones.

4. They just want to take care of their family, period. If they're happy staying at home and taking care of their kids and husbands, why deny them that or criticize them for that? In many families it's the mother who holds them together, and let's not be hypocrites, ladies and gentlemen, we secretly envy those friends of ours in childhood who have good mothers who are housewives or who keep jobs yet manage to take care of home and family because they have set their values and priorities in order.

Let's not deceive ourselves. There's nothing wrong with being a housewife if the choice to become one is sensible and the woman is prepared for it and knows what to expect from it. If it's a decision that will make a house a better home, then I'm all for it. The world's too full of houses and not homes and overflowing with children who need a mother's love and attention but are not getting it because she's out somewhere earning a living or worse, deliberately avoiding her responsibilities.

I admit that I'm happy for my friend. Her choice was an informed one, not something decided last night. I would have done the same if I were in her situation.

WARNING: SYSTEM OVERLOAD!!!!

2009-02-25T02:13:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year, folks!

It's the end of the semester and of another school year. Time to update neglected class records. Time to return student work that has been gathering dust on my office desk. Time to carry out the teacher's efficiency surveys...and after this month, final exams again. Then it's checking and recording and computing then entering...

I foresee a system overload.

This could mean extra vitamins, long nights awake, and fingers numbed after pressing calculator keys for the umpteenth time.

This could mean I will be in "hiding" for a week or two. So I guess I will be quite away for some time after next week.

And One of The Winners Is.......Coralbeeeeaaaaddd!!!!

2009-02-25T02:06:00.000-08:00

The Oscars? Nope.

It's the Butterfly Award I'm talking about. Byteofcoffee awarded me as one of her chosen blogs for the Butterfly Award. Of course it was and still is a pleasant surprise.

I'm soooo ecstatic, really...

A little note...

2009-02-20T23:42:00.000-08:00

Prof. Marge (that's what I call her) was my thesis adviser way back in college, and we've been friends ever since. Now that she's on study leave, she let me use her desk in the office. While doing some desk cleaning weeks ago, I stumbled on a folded note with my name written on it.

May today there be peace within....

May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be, and things are unfolding as they should....

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith....

May you use those gifts that you receive, and share them with others....

May you be content knowing you are a child of the Universe....

May you allow yourself the freedom to enjoy life and do all that you were meant to do....

Prof. M

Summer Plans....

2009-02-18T05:28:00.000-08:00

After a cold November, December and January, the heat has finally arrived! SUMMMMMEEERRRRR!!!!!! Summer means lots of sunshine (scorching sometimes),shorter nights, longer days...and oh, yeah, work too.

I don't usually spend my summers idle. It is also a time for me to earn extra, for savings. But I got other plans too. Take a peek:

1. I've signed up for the second time in the College Bound Program of the university. Yeah, that means helping up to 90 out of a thousand or so Muslim kids who failed the university's entrance exams to get admitted. It's essentially their final chance to have the opportunity of studying here. Of course, many of these kids are...well...poorly prepared. I had some poor kids last summer who couldn't even spell decently.

2. I'm also teaching a subject in my home department too for the summer. I hope it's a literature subject. Teaching grammar all day makes me crazy.

3. After some agonizing, GRADUATE SCHOOL, HERE I COME!!!!! I'll be taking up Language Studies instead of the much-worn MA English Language Teaching.

4. The department is planning another out-of-town trip, and I'm making sure I'm going!

5. I'm planning to have my teeth cleaned at the dentist's, when I get some time off.

6. Maybe I could visit my grandmother like I did last summer. She'd like that.

Sick on V-Day...

2009-02-14T01:29:00.000-08:00

On Valentine's Day eve I was at the beach on a college outing. Spent the night there, waded in the water,had my whole body massaged by a reflexologist, got some shells and coral bits and ate lots of seafood. And here's the great finish: all these while having a 40 degrees Celsius fever. Now I am back home in bed, trying to get well, spending V day as best as I could.

To all those people whose significant others are far from them or who don't have significant others to begin with, happy (anti)Valentine's Day. Maybe we'll all be lucky next year!

14 babes+ crazy mom= taxpayer headache

2009-02-10T05:21:00.000-08:00

I was reading the news over the Internet and I came across the interview of Nadya Suleman, the (in)famous mom of the recently born octuplets in the United States.

Now eight kids...when you already have 6. Eight kids plus 6 and you're living on $490 worth of monthly food stamps and welfare. 14 mouths to feed when you're barely out of college and single.

A kid-crazy woman and a willing Beverly Hills fertility doctor. And an angry American public who are forced to accept the fact that part of their tax dollars are going towards the upkeep of 14 kids whose mother has an uncertain future.

I'm not against people having as many kids as they want, provided that they have the means to bring them up into responsible people. What irks me are those people who keep on having them and not doing what they can to financially support them, opting to rely on other people's kindness to supply even the most basic of their children's needs. Isn't this a slap on the face for these parents?

And then there are people who have children for the wrong reasons, Nadya included. So what if you were an only kid? So what if you want a big family? So what if there hasn't been a boy or girl born yet? A baby or the process of trying to have a baby might just aggravate things, not solve them. Oh, and it's often true that the children sometimes are the ones most affected by what their parents do.

I understand the taxpayers' anger. Their money should go into more important projects especially during this financial crunch.

Nadya, your babies are cute, but 14 is just too much!

Letter to Someone

2009-02-09T03:08:00.000-08:00

Hey there,

It's been a while since you I last seen each other or talked to each other. Isn't it strange, the way we parted? No angry words, no spite, no griping. Just a simple statement that plainly said we called it quits. What others couldn't fully understand was that we parted as friends, hahaha. People really expect break-ups to be emotional and full of fury, don't they?

I won't be a hypocrite: I did have my share of tears over what had happened. All the more when you and I had that conversation a couple of months ago and I mentioned having someone new and then you replied, out of the blue:

" I'm sorry J_____, I'm sorry we didn't make it."

At least we share the common sorrow that came with the painful truth that we met in the highway of life, only to part ways because of reasons that were almost impossible to overcome. We sadly knew that I had the freedom of choice; you did not.

He's a good man, don't you worry about that. He's a caring man, and he's planning for our future. He's my world now, but somewhere deep down inside I have that memory of knowing there was a time when somewhere somehow there was you. Me. Us. I guess no matter what happens I'll be taken to that memory from time to time till the day I die.

J.

Lost the Key to Success?

2009-02-06T05:38:00.000-08:00

I got this SMS message from a friend the other day:

"Whenever we find the key to success, some idiot comes to change the lock....
.........so forget the key and break the lock instead!

This is something I should've done years ago!

Classroom Boo-boos

2009-01-31T03:23:00.000-08:00

I've been teaching for around 5 years now and in that span of time I've had my share of bloopers in the classroom. I'll let you take a peek at my list:

1. Entering the wrong room. - Yeah, I confess I did this lots of times, especially when the term has just started. Look at these memorable instances:

a. I went into a room for my English 2 class at 7 AM and I didn't notice the students inside the room. Sensing that nothing was amiss, I went straight to the board and wrote down something and even began the discussion. Soon I was aware that so many pairs of eyes in the room were staring at me, speechless. Suddenly a student (who happened to be a student of mine but in my other classes) suddenly cleared his throat and said politely, "Ma'am, excuse me but this is English 8 and not 2."

b. I was running late to an afternoon class when I almost half-ran into the room. Fortunately my intuition was awake and told me that I was in unfamiliar territory. So to salvage some dignity I walked straight to the teacher's desk and opened the drawers and asked the students "I'm sure I left my chalk box here yesterday" before making my escape! I've had many excuses made for this blooper, including:

" Excuse me, did you see a pink umbrella left here a while ago?"
" Ah, people, is this Prof (whatever comes to mind)____"s class?"
" Sorry but I think I left my books here."

2. Beginning with the wrong lecture.
- Since I teach 4 different subjects in the English spectrum, there are times when my schedule means hopping to literature or writing class after art class. It happened, and fortunately I caught myself mid-way and I said " Goodness, I left my brain in Art class!" Thank God the kids were that understanding.

3. Forgetting a class. - I was guilty of this when I was teaching high school years ago. I was absorbed at the library looking for references when I sensed some teenagers lurking near me. They even followed me around through several shelves. For a while I minded my own business. However I sensed that they were uneasy so I asked them what was the matter. "Ma'am, sorry for bothering you but we think you forgot that you have a class with us." Oh.

4. Giving the wrong test papers- Annoying, all right, but the kids liked the fact that the test was moved to next week because of this one.

Split Level Islam

2009-01-28T03:24:00.000-08:00

I was reading Hning's latest post and it was truly an eye-opening one. A tattooed guy offering his prayers without fail. I guess it's really up to us and not for other mortals to really work out whether we go to hell or not.

When I finished reading the post, I began to remember an old professor in college telling us about "Split Level Christianity". In my country where the majority are Catholics and other Christians, religion is used as a convenient smokescreen to cover dastardly acts. For example, you'd see "God Bless Our Home" signs and crucifixes on the doorways, of all places, houses of prostitution! Or how about the findings of a national survey that getaway cars of criminals and vehicles of traffic offenders are complete with rosaries and figurines of saints on the dashboards? How about Christian politicians who attend church services every Sunday and then spend public money on their own interests? They profess belief, but their actions show otherwise.

And now how about us? If there's "split level Christianity," I believe we also sadly have "split level Islam" too. We're not exempt. It's a very convenient curtain that keeps others from seeing the dastardly acts some of us do.

Here in my little pocket of the world where Muslims live, there are many who flamboyantly profess the faith and yet their deeds point to the opposite. We have people here who would profess that they're Muslim (especially when talking to outsiders) when they don't pray or practice even the simplest tasks required by Allah of them. Local politicians usually put up an Islamic front or appearance during election campaign period,mentioning God's name during speeches, and then buy votes the day before voters go out to cast their votes. Then during the counting of the votes, the counters (Muslims!) cheat on the results. After the voting and counting has finished, they fight over who should have won, since there are times when the losing parties won't accept defeat. Often, political violence in Muslim areas of my country breaks out and killings result. It's enough to have foreign observers to monitor the voting. And for the winners, they party off public funds and leave the roads full of potholes for years and years without doing a thing about it. Or worse, deprive employees of their salaries or put off implementing important projects because the money had been spent to buy real property, or a new wife or two,or put as a stake in a casino somewhere.

My father's ethnic group is known for being businesspeople. They'll even go to other places just to trade. What's fishy is that they'll tell you they're Muslims and you'll find them selling counterfeit DVD's, porn, or worse, drugs, which are sure ways to get bucks fast. If they're in other lines of business, they'd sell items at a more expensive price than the same item in the shop next door. It seems that earning money, no matter how unscrupulous the means, is top priority for many of them. Islam has taken a back seat.

And then let's not forget the "war freak" or arrogant attitude displayed by some of my fellow countrymen who think that they're really Muslims in every sense. Aren't Muslims supposed to be humble people who don't believe in vanity and pride and ultra narrow-mindedness? How could they attract more reverts to Islam with the kind of attitude that they show to others?

And then we complain that the national media is fond of branding us "Muslim criminals" "Islamic terrotists" and the like. It's our fault too; we perpetrate the distorted images that the mainstream media is so fond of feeding to misinformed people. I especially remember the time when I was still a journalist the newspaper I used to work for rolled out a headline saying that our Muslim-dominated province is one of the biggest hotspots of the region's drugs trade. Which is true nevertheless. Needless to say, the editorial board got a lot of flak from the local bigwigs saying we exposed something shameful about our people. Garbage! Look at our local news archives and you'll find that many of those arrested or at large who were involved in drugs had Muslim names. Why hide something that everybody knows? Why prevent people from getting the information they need that could help them wake up and help solve a problem that's theirs? Why complain when the issue is destroying not only the reputation of an ethnic group but that of Islam as well? Isn't it our moral and civic responsibility to help stop our erring countrymen from doing these things because it will hurt us as a whole?

My point here is that, people shouldn't parade or pass themselves off as perfect practicing Christians or Muslims when they can't adhere to the simplest tenets of their respective religions. We may be born as Muslims, but isn't being a Muslim something to be worked at, not something earned by just sitting down?

I'm just writing down my observations here. I've been a journalist once, and I've had the misfortune to see so many things that others do not usually see. "Split Level Islam" may just be an idea, but it really will take days, even weeks, to really write or talk about. I'd like to hear our fellow Muslims' views about this, especially on what's happening in their country. The issue is very sad yet true.

The Honesty Tag

2009-01-27T04:37:00.000-08:00

So Nani37 has tagged the Bead...although my earlier posts have indulged my narcissism, I'll give this one a shot!

1. I got operated for "lazy eye" when I was two. My eyes wouldn't (and still wouldn't) roll together. My eyesight is ok, but sometimes you'll see my left eyeball still at the right when the right eyeball is at the center.

2. I'm tolerant of other faiths, but when people try to stuff their beliefs into my throat, beware. So what if they think I'm doomed because of this and that just because I don't believe the way they do? Religion, I believe, is something personal, not a bandwagon thing that everyone can jump into.

3. My mixed religious and cultural heritage is something I am proud of. You get the best of both worlds, and even incidents of discrimination have led me to believe that narrow minded people are to be pitied because they have been deprived of a well-lived,colorful,many-faceted life that I have been given the privilege to live. Theirs is the only life they know, and discriminating against others is proof that they're intimidated or insecure.

4. I'm known for being not too enthusiastic (read: doting) towards children. Of course it doesn't mean I don't want to have any kids, but you won't see me cooing over babies that much, or engaging in baby talk to toddlers for more than 10 minutes. Then again, don't think I don't like kids or don't know how to take care of them. Trust me, I've changed my younger brother's and sister's diapers hundreds of times.

5. I consider my two years of teaching high school as my worst years ever in my career! The kids were a handful, the schedules hectic, the deadlines inhumanely short, and the principal a complete *&%$#@#%*%. The experience was soo traumatic that now I avoid the place whenever possible, the gate being the nearest I could ever stand. The sad thing is, I was a graduate of this high school.

6. My fondest wish this year is that he and I will soon be married.

7. I still have to make up with my best friend after that fight 3 years ago...we talked one time weeks ago...but it was an uneasy conversation.

8. I have broken the hearts of two men...I didn't do it deliberately, it was because it wasn't meant to be or to put it more accurately, we weren't supposed to be. In both instances these guys and I were poles apart, religion,career, and culture wise, End of the case.

9. People have this first impression of me as an aloof person at best, and arrogant at worst. Soon after they get to know me a bit they end up befriending me though.

10. I will forever carry the guilt of knowing that I said "I love you" to someone so many many years ago, and it wasn't true. T-T

I don't know of any one to tag....

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!!!!

2009-01-26T03:22:00.000-08:00

Today is the Chinese New Year!!!!!

Gong Xi Fa Cai (pronounced "Kong Hsi Fah Chai") is Mandarin for "Happy New Year". In a country with a strong ethnic Chinese community that has influenced the nation for centuries, the Chinese New Year is something many people here look forward to.

Now I'm not exactly ethnic Chinese, but my skin tone and my small eyes sometimes give people that impression. I can remember Mama telling the story that a couple of Chinese people were following me around in public since they thought I was Chinese! Maybe I've got traces of Chinese somewhere in my genes, but then I took a quiz on a magazine to try to discover my "chinese-ness". Just see what happened:

1. Do you eat anything Chinese?

- of course I do, noodles are my favorite! Then there's dimsum (halal it should be, of course!) I don't like snake soup though. EEEEWWWW....

2. Do you own joss sticks?
- those fragrant sticks you light up? Yes yes yes... I got them in lemon and orange. Nope, they're not lighted up for Buddha,hahahaha , I use them to freshen up the room. Now somebody get me a good joss stick holder!

3. Do you have a pair of chopsticks, and use them?

- not just a pair, I have three, including a beautiful laquered pair from Beijing,and I use them to put my long hair up.

4. Do you have a qipao or a cheongsam?
- Um I have a blouse that looks like a cheongsam. Will that do?

5. Do you speak a Chinese dialect?
- Well, "Gong Xi Fa Cai, Hong bao na lai" which roughly translates to "Happy New Year! Now where the hell is my gift?!!!!"

6. Do you use a Chinese product that your family has used for generations?
- Hmmm, my father and my paternal grandparents are die hard fans of this product: White Flower. And yes, I have a bottle too. Good for headaches, toothaches, insect bites, and yes, even pimples.

7. Do you observe some Feng Shui rules?
- nope, but I believe that a house must never be near the following: Schools, Funeral parlors, Hospitals, and Cemeteries!

8. Do you know what Chinese year you were born?
- 1981= Year of the Rooster

Sheesh...if I will continue, I'd be saying "yes" to most of the questions half the time! Anyway, for today I'll just enjoy the fireworks and the dragon dance on cable tv. Cheers for the Year of the Ox!

:(

2009-01-22T05:18:00.000-08:00

The icon says it all. My sis didn't make it to the Congressional Interns Program. It's her ultimate dream to be given the chance to work outside our place for four months. She's tried two times...and she thought that the second time will get her in.

Why did they let her in for two stressful weeks of leadership training and then she wouldn't be in anyway? I smell something fishy... But my task now is to comfort her.

More Beads...

2009-01-20T02:34:00.000-08:00

(note: this is my periodical post that tells about the little yet notable things that have happened in my life, tidbits from what I read, and lines from family, friends and colleagues at work)

* This afternoon: I prepared everything, and I mean everything for my 2:30 to 4:00 PM class hours before. My notes were organized, I mentally put my spiels (things to say)in order, and to top it off, I made myself really presentable (powder and all that). Yes I was ready to give my greatest class performance. When the bell rang, I strode over to my classroom, only to find it---EMPTY!!! It was then that it occurred to me that I had given the kids a huge assignment and had made a deal with them not to meet them today! Yeah, right. Embarrassing, isn't it?

* Prof. Lorna (a senior colleague) commenting about the mass layoffs everywhere:
"We teachers get laughed at for accepting ridiculous amounts of pay, jeered at for being drudges,but look, after everyone else is out of work, we're still employed!"

* Something I read somewhere: "Nobody studies for tests unless you postpone them."

* Out of the blue, my former best friend, who I haven't seen in years, and I had a conversation over chat. It wasn't really a comfortable conversation; it wasn't cold, but it wasn't warm either. To think we parted ways because we got on each other's nerves! Nope, no reconciliation yet. Maybe someday...

At last, a bit of sunshine!

2009-01-17T18:57:00.000-08:00

Today the sun has appeared after being missing for two weeks!

Move over, Coralbead, it's my show now!!!!

2009-01-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

Hello...I'm Eva Fonda, Coralbead's cat, er, no, owner. Owner because dogs have masters, cats have staff. I'm taking over her blog for today because for the nth time she forgot to give me my favorite kitty treat, and I'm having unmanageable cravings cuz I'm gonna give birth a month after this.

So since it's my field day today, I'll tell you more about my pet, Coralbead. She's quite chubby and obviously she likes special individuals like me so I got reason enough to drop by their office and loaf around the chairs and couches.

Coralbead's nice. Until she gets absent-minded and I have to remind her that she has yet to give me a whole can of tuna fish flakes, and that she has to find me a warm place to give birth. Ever since she got into this affair with her guy I've had trouble asking her to feed me :(. I'm not starving, I eat at the faculty lounge, but there's nothing like playing upon the feelings of those who are crazy about me and getting a treat to eat or two. If you notice that I make myself at home often in this green arm chair it's not because it's soft, it's because it matches my eyes....

It's obvious that she likes to photograph cats like me. But I hate it usually. She even wakes me up from my beauty sleep to pose for her! But I found these snaps in her laptop and well, hey, I don't look that bad!

Brrrrrrrr!!!!!

2009-01-16T17:14:00.000-08:00

It's been more than a whole week without the sun here! Imagine opening the door and feeling a fine spray of water fall over you. Imagine having to have your umbrella open each and every time you go out. Imagine having that same umbrella open and you're battling the winds with it. Imagine having spent the whole day with the place covered up in fog.

That's what's been happening with the weather here. Ok guys I know you people in other countries would say it's colder where you are but if you live in a mostly tropical country I would say you would freeze if you were here. This, I would tell my shivering students who come from the sunny places, is the way January and February are spent here. With several layers of clothing, shawls and caps and gloves.

I love the way the fog comes down in the fields for most of the day. I love it when the folks in the office have cups of hot chocolate, tea, or coffee together to warm themselves.

But what I hate about this weather is the absence of sun, and the way the rains couldn't seem to stop. Then of course, the laundry issue. I'm wondering how to do the laundry when it would take forever to dry anyway.

The fog is fine. I could live with the cold, but what I'd give for a patch of sun!

My Week

2009-01-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday and I'm the only one left in the house, since my weekend presence means that the others can fly away for a day or so, something they can't do during the week. Speaking of the week, it's funny how so many things can happen in the space of 7 days! Just read on.

* Monday- I went to work, and surprise! Many of my students were still not around because they were still on their way to the university (I caught several just arriving with their bags that morning.) Many of my colleagues weren't around either. Went home early, since I told my art classes that I'd see them on January 8.

* Tuesday- My throat got sore in the morning. Woke up at 6:15 AM (and my class is at 7, lol) and tried to beat the clock. Got in quite late, but it's a university regulation that gives a faculty member 30 minutes allowance in getting to class. Checked exams with my students. My exams are the "shade the circle" type, so what I do is I make my students switch papers and then we do the checking. It's also a time to explain why they made a mistake in this or that. Went home with a changed voice and a feverish feeling...

* Wednesday- A no-work holiday was declared and good for me because I got sick. I even lost my voice! My greatest fear that day was laryngitis, since I had it for two months years ago. So I spent the day in bed with the laptop, talking to my significant other through chat. He joked "you'll be just like the mime in the circus if your voice doesn't come back." Yeah right. Wrong guess habibi. Talked with him about wedding gowns.

* Thursday- I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to talk, but thank God, my voice came back! So I had introduced poetry to my students in literature class and I used an old song to do that. I just love literature class. I felt weak that day though, so after the last class I really went home.

* Friday- Spent a lot of my free time at the office. It's rather funny how people come to work sometimes wearing the same color. The girls and I counted 4 or 5 professors wearing violet. Took some pictures with my phone camera and the toad you see here is one of them.

* Saturday- Spent the day in the house. I was in no mood to do anything so I was on the net for a long time. My significant other and I spent 6 hours talking to each other online. Zamalek and Al-Ahly are to have a match the next day and so he told me to watch it on cable TV. Now why am I, who lives in another pocket of the world, am following Egyptian League Football? Because my hubby to-be is a rabid fan of Zamalek, and I make it a point to dig into whatever thing he is interested in, including sports. It makes a guy feel you're interested in him. I learned a lesson though when it comes to guys and sports. Don't ever try to have a conversation during games! Slept at midnight.

Sick....

2009-01-06T02:40:00.000-08:00

It's a truth that I've accepted for years....

No matter how hard you try to keep from getting sick, there will always be times when your body fails you...

Even if you've taken multivitamins, carried umbrellas rain or shine, wore the appropriate clothing, still there will be days when you just have to haul yourself to bed...

Here I am, sick on the first week of 2009. I had been back at work for a few days but today I lost my strength, my enthusiasm, and my voice. And Ashura is tomorrow and I badly wanted to fast on that day, but any thought of it is already gone now.

I'm not worried with the fever, I'm worried about laryngitis. A few years ago when I was teaching high school I got ill during the Christmas break. I thought it was just fever, but then I lost my voice. For two whole months thereafter I was literally conducting charades in class. I couldn't even speak softly. That was horrible.

Please God, the fever's ok, but please help me keep my voice :(.

Beads

2009-01-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

I have begun to perceive life as a string of beads. I take my experiences,my loves, my fears, snippets from books I've read, statements heard from relatives, friends, even perfect strangers, assorted observations, snapshots and all other sorts of things and string them up into a jumbled whole, like a necklace. It doesn't matter if I remembered when or where these happened, as long as I've taken note of them. These are some of the beads I've had gathered.

* From an old professor- turned close friend: "It's ok to be outspoken, especially when it's something that's right in the eyes of God that you are defending. If you stirred up anyone, it means you've touched them where it hurts most and yet they deny that there's really something wrong. You just woke them up."

* "It's true. Things can change in a day." - Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things

* A flower in my late aunt's flower garden. I lived with her for a while when I was a baby and I have never seen her again since 1998. She died two years ago and it was only after her death that I was told I was her favorite niece.

* An SMS on my inbox that had popped into my mind recently: "The world is like a high rise building. If you want to find your place in the world and you see that the elevator is full and has no room for you, it means you have to try the stairs. A lot of people don't try it and because of that, they don't make it."

* I haven't been in contact with my former best friend for years after we had a falling-out, but this morning she sent me an IM out of the blue.

* This is one of my favorite places in the university I work in. It's one of the brightest spots in my life, and I love the fact that I work in a place where everything is taken in a leisurely pace.

Watch out for more beads...

Restrospective

2008-12-31T17:40:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of 2009, and so many things happened to me in the past year, some sad, some crazy, and some in the middle. I'm listing them down here. I'm not putting any dates, since I'm somehow bad with them!

* 2008 was my second year as a college instructor. I'm enjoying what I am doing and if the future permits, I might stay like that for a little longer. I don't expect to be a teacher all my life though.

* I became the coordinator for Humanities 1 last year. Not an easy job for someone who has four subjects to teach in a row.

* I ditched the one whom I used to consider as the love of my life and had another relationship with a friend. I'll admit it wasn't easy but I pulled through. My friend-turned significant other and I were supposed to get tied last month, but because of some constraints, it didn't happen. Now I'm just keeping mum and keeping his and my fingers crossed that it will take place this year, God willing.

* Connected to the point above, I exercised my privilege of choice and declared to my father that someone was interested in me. His reaction? "Sweetie, if he's the one, and if he really is for you, I can do nothing about that. Cross the bridge."

* I lost some weight during, of all seasons, Ramadan. Was it indifference towards food? or stress from work? Maybe both.

* I finally got a reputation as a "class record terrorist" among the students. Which means I am nice in the classroom but the college kids don't know that I'm taking note of their moves. They know, though, that I am merciless when it comes to grades. I don't give perfect grades unless the kid's got what it takes, really.

* I got "very satisfactory" ratings on the Teacher Evaluation Ratings. According to the boss, "not bad for someone who got in two years ago."

* In 2008 I finally got my own laptop and internet connection, and I'm having a blast!

* For the first time in 12 years I finally got to visit my Catholic maternal grandmother and other relatives. I wish I could see them more often.

* I cultivated more friendships last year. Proof that I wasn't the cold fish or the ice queen they thought me to be.

* I believe I was more in charge of my own life last year more than ever before.

* On a more bitter point, my attempts at being outspoken on what's happening around here were met with opposition. Hmmmm so they say I'm bringing my ethnic group in a bad light and I should always defend them. I'm sorry but such an attitude goes against my principle that it's not a question of what race, nationality, or tribe that counts, it's whether the person did right or wrong in the eyes of God (I'm not including man here because he himself is not infallible). Even if the person in question is a relative of mine, I'd say, "ok, you did something wrong and I'm not judging you to the max, but you have to be responsible for your actions." I'm channeling my thoughts through this blog nowadays so that at least I can rant and rave whatever it is I want to complain against.

* 2008 was the year that I perhaps posted more things in this blog. To add to that, I tried out mobile blogging as well. I also blog hopped a lot and I made some friends in the blogosphere. Dottson (your blog is defunct now, I know), Hning, M.Zedan, Ren_crow, Baby Pink, Ammaro, Pan, and to others I didn't mention, thanks for making my blog experiences complete with your comments and e-mails. A big kiss and a hug to all of you! Here's to more blog posts in 2009!

The World's Gone Mad...

2008-12-28T01:49:00.000-08:00

This national news article got my attention: a cabinet member's son beat up a 14 year old boy at a golf course because he was playing too slow!

The news stirred up a hornet's nest because of the following:

1. The cabinet member and his son are identified as Muslims from a prominent family where I live;
2. The boy's family was Christian, obviously;
3. The son happened to be the mayor of his own hometown;
4. The father and son had the nerve to file a libel case against the boy's family because the event figured on national TV.

The mainstream press certainly had a ball over the "Muslim" tag. I've seen many misinformed and ignorant as well as racist people fuel the fire over what's happened. Muslims in my country get a deal of bad hype among other things, and I'll explain why later.

Like I always tell those who post in offensive comments in forums and blogs, generalizing is not the way to go. Just because somebody is known to be Muslim doesn't mean that he's a potential criminal. Then Islam and any religion for that matter should't be brought into the picture. My non-Muslim friends and colleagues would sometimes ask me why is my ethnic group behaving like that (i.e., violating laws,dealing drugs,feeling as if they own the world, etc. etc.) I tell them to avoid the term "Muslim" and suggest that they use the name of my ethnic group instead. I also tell my students and other people who belong to the same ethnic group never to interchange "Islam" and "Muslim" with their ethnic group name because instead of solving the problem, they further perpetuate it. So they shouldn't complain when they get irked by "Muslim militants", "Islamic rebels" and all that because they are partly to blame.

I know that there were many Christians in my country who have been stung by what's happened, but then that shouldn't give them excuse to generalize us as group. There are many of us who criticize our own people for having such attitudes and doing what is not right. It just so happens that we're not heard that much. Please be reminded that at least when your own kind commits the same things, they don't get branded as "Christian kidnappers", "Christian rebels," and you know what else.

My two cents' worth on the cabinet member and his son: for God's sake, everyone knows what you've done so don't deny that the kid was beaten up! Just have the kid treated at the hospital at your expense and pay the damages. You've got enough money for that, obviously because it's known now that your playground is a golf course! If you don't want negative publicity, just solve the problem and move on! At least people will know that you know how to make amends. Your threat of a libel suit when it's known that you've beaten the kid up just adds to the image that we as a people are such sore losers! Face the music!

Another two cents' worth for my fellows: ok, so you're pelting me the tomatoes because I didn't defend the two. What they did was a mistake and the fact that they didn't want to own up and resolve the problem is something wrong. I don't care if you ostracize me because of this, at least I know that this is a question of right and wrong and not a question of ethnicity. Stop feeling superior and holier -than -thou, because it's hurt us more than we know. We're to blame too if others don't have a good opinion of us. We're the reasons why others discriminate us. We can't call ourselves Muslims or Christians if we support what's wrong. In other words, we hold the keys. We just don't use them. Sorry if this hurts but truth does hurt, and we will never change for the better unless we first admit that there's something wrong with us as people.

This is perhaps the most stormy post I've ever written, and I have no regrets for posting it. The world has become stranger by the day, and sicker by the second.

Before 2008 ends....

2008-12-26T04:04:00.000-08:00

To all those who cared for me,
thank you!

To those whom I had pissed off,
I'm sorry but it had to be...

To those who gave me a lot of kicks,hilarious
moments and laughter,
hit me baby one more time!!!!

To those who spread issues about me?
It's ok, I got famous anyway :P

To those who made me cry,
you fellas owe me a talent fee!

To those who had shared their experiences in
life and love, not to mention all the advice given,
I finally felt that I'm not really alone...

To those who have envied me,
EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT!!!!
YOU CAN NEVER BE LIKE ME,HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

And to the ones reading this post and this blog,
You found yourselves a very special place
in this writer's heart :)!

Happy New Year (Muharram 1)!!!

My "Other" Playlist

2008-12-25T04:20:00.000-08:00

I'm busy these days looking for good pieces of classical music for my Humanities classes.

Few people outside of my immediate family know that I listen to classical music. Yeah, right, I mean people with strange names like Mozart and Beethoven and Bach! A lot of people out there might think that this kind of thing is for the old folks, but hey, it's good music, and it's not dead, since a lot of movies and even anime use classical music in their soundtracks.

It can be quite relaxing to listen to after you've been loaded with pop and Rnb and all that. Especially when you find the lyrics, well, too outrageous for your sensibilities. It could be even intellectually stimulating. Ever heard of the "Mozart Effect"?

I won't elaborate much here for now, but here's something that you may have heard somewhere. It's a piece from Edvard Grieg's ballet "Peer Gynt" and it's called "Anitra's Dance". Don't worry I still listen to Nickleback and Usher! If the widget doesn't play automatically just press the play button.

For A Limited Time Only...

2008-12-23T03:13:00.000-08:00

I decided to let my readers see what I look like. This snap was taken last year and if you don't believe I'm 27 now you better pinch yourself.

No I'm not advertising myself. It's just that I decided to go a little bit offbeat. This pic will stay for a few days and after that it's back to the default coral beads that you are all so familiar with.

Happy Holidays people!

December Break Ennui

2008-12-23T01:57:00.001-08:00

It's my second day of my December break. I know I should be glad but I'm admitting that I am not liking this. I'm wishing that it's January, ha ha ha ha!

Today I decided to eat out at one of my favorite places with my work pals. We expected a full house at lunchtime,but the snap above shows that it's deserted. Strange. On normal days the place is so full you'd have to wait for a table or even a seat.

I got to find something solid to do or else I'll get a case of Vacation ennui.

December.......

2008-12-19T03:16:00.000-08:00

December is here again...

I'm going to have a break from work that will last almost 2 weeks. The next question is...what will I do? and what will I do first?

I could clean up my room (which is a veritable disaster area because of stacks of books and papers), or maybe I could do some wardrobe overhauling and dump clothes I haven't worn in years,or I could change the linoleum in my room floor.

I could take my little brother out to lunch or pay my paternal grandmother a long-postponed visit. Maybe I could get my laptop some nice extras like headphones...

Maybe I should do a bit of book-shopping, since it's been a long since I bought a book. Perhaps I should spend some time cooking macaroni and cheese,baked spaghetti or chicken curry since it's been a while since I cooked something special.

Too many plans. Maybe two weeks isn't enough.

How to get hitched to a guy/girl you want, local style

2008-12-09T05:51:00.000-08:00

Hning posted something about the ways that Saudi people date...well I couldn't help nodding with her in agreement, since I was in Saudi Arabia for 8 years.

I am tempted to come up with something similar, although it's not about dating. It's about how to get hooked to a guy or girl a person wants here in my society.

Here where I live, marriages are traditionally arranged and two times out of three one gets married to a relative (READ: FIRST/SECOND COUSIN). Once a family here chooses a guy or gal for their kid, it's already a commitment. It happens, no matter how educated the family. The only exceptions are souls like me whose parents got married out of their own choice.

If a guy or girl gets betrothed to a person of his/her parents' choosing, it's either resignation to the inevitable or the getting of a girlfriend or boyfriend to show rebellion. Lots of kids here resort to the second option.

Here in my place, it's taboo for an unmarried person (especially a teenager) to be seen in public with a member of the opposite sex. Why? Because that would somehow mean the end of a planned "brilliant" match with somebody from a family of bigwigs (reputation IS a family thing here) or that would mean that the girl's virtue had already been compromised (we still live in the Middle Ages, hahahaha). However, if they want to end up with that gf or bf, being seen together or having proof of having such a relationship is a way of attaining that end.

Ok, so let's have a rundown on how the kids here who want to be married to a boyfriend or girlfriend get to be seen together by nosey relatives who will report to the parents :

1.Choose a very public with lots of people. The more relatives to be seen there, the better. The fish market can be a likely place, since what the kids will be doing will be fishy anyway!

2.Make out somewhere where you can be seen by people. The university where I work
in has lots of fields where lovers work all sorts of miracles. If they get caught or the girl gets pregnant, so much the better.

3.Ride in a car together, just the both of them! If an aunt or uncle sees the both of them in a car, the better.

4.Eating outside? The next city is a good place. The fact that they chose the destination will make them appear as if they ran away so they wouldn't be easily caught.

5.Hold hands in public! This is a tried and tested publicity stunt here. It works!

6.Get caught in the act of having a tryst!

7.Leave the cellphone at home, and make sure the gf's or bf's messages are all there for the family's prying eyes to read!

8.If all else fails, ELOPE and make sure the neighbors see what's going on! By the way, most of the time, neighbors here are RELATIVES.

Once seen or caught, the guy and the gal only have to wait for their families to get together to arrange the marriage of two young people who have compromised their families' honor and reputation. It's wedding bells for the two!

Happy (?) Eid

2008-12-07T03:53:00.000-08:00

Here I am in front of the laptop trying to crank out a post. Yeah, Eid Al Adha is tomorrow and I still somehow don't feel the thrill of the season. Maybe I've outgrown my enthusiasm for celebrating holidays like this.

When people were still kids they were thrilled at the prospect of holidays when they could dress up, go visiting, eat yummy food and gorge on sweets or better yet, get gifts from parents and relatives.

Now when these kids grow up, they'll find that it takes time, money, effort, and some cooking skills to put out a decent celebration. It's not really that fun anymore when you're the one cooking the food, or figuring out how to buy tons of gifts on a shoestring for the kids, or re-arranging the furniture, or finding the time to have an Eid party at the house when they have a tight work schedule.

Don't get me wrong, I know how important Eid is, but in our world today when everyone is hard to catch even for a decent conversation,when financial strain is more of the rule rather than the exception, when a lot of people are on the verge of losing faith over the world today, it seems that many of us here will somehow treat it again as a mere date to be crossed off the calendar.

Since my family is a busy one, an Eid Al Adha bash isn't in order. Maybe a simple family meal after the prayers will be enough. Speaking of prayers, I'm sure many of us will be praying for better times to come, when people will get to their senses and stop hurting one another and ruining one another's lives, when even the poor will have something on their tables, and so on and so forth. Perhaps, when that time comes, I will be enthusiastic about holidays again.

Tired...

2008-12-04T02:23:00.000-08:00

It's only Thursday and yet I feel that the weekend had to be a few days ago...I came to work on a Tuesday feeling it was already Friday. Arggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's that time of year when you don't want to get out of bed since the morning fog hasn't settled yet and the sun isn't shining yet. Time when I know my class is at 7 AM and the morning commute is around 30 minutes and yet I stay in bed till 6! Time when I feel tired even after one class...

My superiors say I'm getting second semester burn-out. Maybe they're right. But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm hating my job. I know stress is an occupational hazard for this profession, and I guess I had more than my share this time. Not even a good sleep could energize me, and don't get me wrong, I try to stay on a balanced diet and lots of water.

I better stop here and let me get a few hours of sleep...

Another Week Has Gone...

2008-11-28T04:57:00.000-08:00

This strange thing is actually a token of appreciation that was given to me a few days for judging a literary contest at a private school near the university (READ: tiny grade schools kids trying to warble off lines from the Gettysburg Address). I can't believe I've been pulled off from class in order to do these things and other stuff! Just read how my week went:

Monday- Watched a 2 day indie film fest (I watched 4 films) and of course I had to call off classes with the kids (who ended up watching the movies with me).

Tuesday- Still at the indie movie marathon...

Wednesday- Acted as master of ceremonies at an awarding ceremony for a regional feature writing contest. NOTE: THAT NIGHT AN INTENSITY 4 EARTHQUAKE SHOOK MY COUNTRY FOR A FEW SECO0NDS!!!! I'M NOT KIDDING!

Thursday- Was among the board of judges as a literary contest at a private school.

Friday- Dead tired, but went to work anyway.

and

Saturday- Off to a fellow teacher's wedding. OMG I wish I am the next!

Thank goodness Monday was declared a holiday.

They All Think He's Mr. Moneybags

2008-11-16T04:08:00.000-08:00

My grandmother was hospitalized last week and yesterday my sisters and I went to see her. Since there were some visitors in the room who were relatives, some time was spent trying to update one another of what's been happening.

Unexpectedly, the subject of my relationship with a foreign guy was touched upon. I wasn't saying a thing about it (I don't make much small talk with relatives anyway) and yet someone had the gall to mention it, which left me not a bit pleased.

"Oh so he's from outside, eh? Don't let him go, because he's got lots of money, right?and oh you're going to live like a queen there and all that, huh?"

"When you get married, don't forget us, ok?"

"Oh so your dad will build a big house 'cause your man will give you lots of money?"

"Money matters. If he's ugly but rich, why not?"

Bull****. If I didn't mind my manners I would've whacked them. Ah so since their not-so favorite niece was marrying a foreigner she'd be Mrs. Moneybags?

It didn't help that the person who said all those things first was also in the car with me on the way home. I largely ignored her while she was asking absurd questions to my long-suffering sister, which just revealed crass materialism underneath layers of make-up and flashy clothes, not to mention gross ignorance.
Ah well. You can't choose relatives.

It's so stupid, the way relatives (in Asia) could just poke unwelcome fingers into someone else's private life. It's sickening. They ask outright how much you earn, where you bought this or that, or try to find you a match beneath your very nose.

Ok so relatives are there to help and so on, blah blah. I recognize that. But to just stick their noses into what shouldn't concern them just annoys me. So what if I'm marrying someone from far away? Why is it that when "foreigner" man is mentioned, visions of dollar signs pervade the air for these people?

I personally don't care if my guy doesn't own Sears Tower or doesn't live in a 500-room birthday cake of a mansion. He's got a good job,his character is commendable, he's got faith, he wants to really grow old with me and have a family with me and he respects me.

The problem in places like mine is that, when one gets married to someone well-off, the immediate family plus the relatives expect to get all the favors and it seems to them that by virtue of their "lucky" sister's or niece's or cousin's they have the right to ask for favors, most of which prove detrimental or disadvantageous to the couple. If they don't get what they want they spread all sorts of things about you. I know of some couples who had to split because of this. Ok it's all right to ask for help once in a while but to really be a parasite is something I don't agree to. It teaches people to be lazy and improvident, and that, unfortunately, is the trend where I live.

Perhaps this attitude stemmed from the fact that my countrymen have close family ties. Then again, these are also the ties that gag, suffocate, and choke. In this system it's hard to keep anything secret for long and it's hard to fend off those who want to "help" (?).

Well, my relatives will be in for a little surprise. I've been raising eyebrows since I was a kid, so I wouldn't be shocked at all if my wedding will cause the same eyebrows to move upward.

I have the highest regard and love for my husband to-be and that forms a large part of the reasons why I have agreed to spend the rest of my life with him, not because he's got a fat bank account, which many people here would think. Of course money does play a part, but a person in his or her right mind wouldn't really tie himself or herself up to anyone for the sake of having something to spend.

My dad isn't the sort to ask for something astronomical for the mahr and sorry if the relatives don't get to attend a wedding fit for the society pages since a simple no-nonsense wedding will be done anyway. In fact, there won't be any bridesmaids (my aunts who want to get their daughters for this role will have to say goodbye to this one) no groomsmen, nothing superfluous. Just a simple wedding with an ample spread at the reception to celebrate the union of two people. You don't have to spend so much to be happy and and no need to be ostentatious since we're not royalty anyway, just two ordinary people wanting to grow old together.

One of my fears is that some relative may cause trouble at the wedding (which is a common occurrence here) by raising hell by smashing things or making unreasonable money demands. I once asked an old professor one time about wedding invitations and she said, "If your relatives don't like the match, the most they could do is to stay out of your wedding so they won't ruin your day. It's not your fault they didn't attend. Better yet, have the wedding as far away as possible. Your and your family have a right to a decent quiet wedding." Yeah I agree. I know I'll be smashing some ethnic traditions but hey, what's more important is that I don't break any religious tenets, right?

I'm sure I will "disappoint" many of my folks after the wedding when they realize that I can't give them any favors since my husband doesn't own an oil well. They aren't that aware of the fact that not all foreigners are kids of Rockefeller, Bill Gates, or Queen Elizabeth.

When the time comes for my wedding I hope my actions and that of my immediate family will deliver the correct clear message to everyone. Till then I would have to bear my relatives' remarks and comments about me marrying outside my culture. I hope I don't get to wait for too long.

Things you oughtta know about welllllll.....me againnnnn.....

2008-11-14T02:18:00.000-08:00

1. My shoe size is ten.

2. I'm overweight, but to my significant other, that's sexy.

3. I love mary jane shoes, loafers, boots, but never stilettos.

4. I fell in love a total of three times in my lifetime, and that includes my current squeeze..

5. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor; in high school I wanted to be an architect, but because my math grades wouldn't take me anywhere I faced reality and became a BA in English instead.

6. I was a high school teacher after graduation from university.

7. My current fave song? "Lately" by Stevie Wonder. It'll make you cry, I swear!

8. I wear chopsticks to pin my hair to my head.

9. If people give me gifts, it's usually something like bracelets and bookmarks, and oh yes, chopsticks.

10. I bring lunch to work. It's less costly and there are so many people in the office doing the same, which explains why I often have lunch with the boss.

11. I bring water too.

12. I don't usually like posing for cameras, but lately I've been making "glamor shots" for my significant other.

13. I was born 3 days before my due date.

14. I got my left eye operated on when I was 2. My eyes wouldn't roll together.

15. Everyone thinks I graduated with honors, not knowing I got a string of failing math grades.

Stuff They Know About Me...

2008-11-13T04:39:00.001-08:00

Things a lot of people know about me:

1. When I meet friends, especially female friends, I don't spend minutes kissing their cheeks. If they initiate the kissing, ok, I return it but usually I'm never the first to kiss anyone. If I notice people I know, I wait till they're a few feet or two away before I say "hi". Sometimes, I just raise my eyebrow to indicate that "ok, I notice you."

2. There are days when I just wear sunscreen on my face. Tuesdays usually. However I do put on make up when I really have to. But I don't wear eyeliner or mascara.

3. I am known to be very patient but once somebody gets on my nerves, watch out!

4. I'd rather read or surf the net than watch TV, so don't ask me what happened on the last episode of Gossip Girl.

5. I love cats. Need I say more?

6. I appreciate people who accept me as I am. Be comfy with me and I'll get along with you. Otherwise, you can leave me alone...

7. I believe that if you want to be taken seriously (if you're a female), junk out the skanky outfits, layers of excessive make-up and accessories. But don't let people think you neglect your appearance either. And cutting down on too much girly talk helps too.

8. My friends know that I would never ever wear stilettos to work (or for any other reason either.)

9. My friends find it unusual that I don't coo around babies for very long like they do. I just come up to the kid, say hello , pinch the cheeks lightly and there you have it. It's not that I don't like kids. It's that I know that these cuties will turn into monsters if you keep piling them up with attention...

Another Blog Closed...

2008-11-01T20:23:00.000-07:00

Another great blog has come to an end. Dotsson has finally decided to end posting yesterday. Another blog to miss. In fact I check on his blog almost every morning to see what issue or people is he bashing at the moment. He'll definitely be remembered by many bloggers. Prior to that another favorite blog, Mahmood's Den has recently stopped. Who's next?

As for me although I don't have a lot of readers I see no reason to end my blog. It's my outlet for so many things good or bad and because I like to write I guess the final post might not come for quite a long long time. Maybe I would be posting till my 90's hahahaha (if I do reach that age).

Dotsson, we'll miss you.